Jerrrryyyyyyyyy! Stop being so neurotic, man. You are by far your own harshest critic! You're the reason I'm on steemit and I've helped bring in another few dozen people and they've helped bring in a dozen few more people each. Things are going well, and you're trying harder than anyone I've ever come across on both youtube and steemit. Cheer up, you're doing great, any reasonable person would be astoundingly proud of you. Take a breather and come back fresh and able to keep going. <3