Polygamy in the 21st century

She was the first person I met in Uni . Very mature and well put together . When we started talking, conversation flowed like we had been bosom buddies for years. By the second month of meeting we had already organized a trip down to the Kenyan coast with some common friends. It was an instant friendship hit, and being a very picky person when it comes to people I interact with especially females, the fact that me and Alyson, let’s call her that, hit it off that fast was strange to me.

Now the fact that I went back to uni to do my undergraduate studies in my mid twenties meant that most of my classmates were fresh out of high school kids whose stories entailed things I could hardly remember, 90 percent whose favorite past time was coming to class half drunk, plopping themselves at the back of class and laughing endlessly at the lecturer for his funny accent. The first time is understandable, but the fifth and sixth time, common! It’s not that funny kids!

So when I was placed in the same group as Alyson, it was like hitting the friendship jackpot. We were age mates, meaning I didn’t feel like an old spinster amongst all the youngins plus we had lots in common. We were both working students, so we had to figure out where our school fees came from. Made us take class seriously, always sat at the front of class to avoid those noisy back benchers.

Now Alyson was dating a man whom I later came to find out was married with one kid, figures since he was in his forties and had things that we could only dream of. It was shocking at first but I assumed she was just with him for the extra money he gave her to pay for her school fees and other expenses. But on our second trip to Mombasa with the guys, I realized what they had was more than just a fling. When we got back to Nairobi, Alyson told me that the guy wanted to pay for her dowry and she wanted me to accompany her to her rural village to help with the preparations.

That really took me back, see in my mind, women who accepted to be second wives were old uneducated women in the rural areas. But here was a young, vibrant, educated woman who was ready to be a second wife. It was even stranger since the first wife was firmly against the whole union. She used to call Alyson all types of names. But this didn’t seem to phase Alyson. She was a lady about it, never once insulted the woman nor hang up on her. Besides, she was going to be sharing a man with her, so it was best for her as the younger wife to take her place. She knew what she wanted and knew that arguing or insulting the first wife would cause friction in ‘their’ home. So she took it.

This intrigued me to the point that my final year assignment was a documentary on modern polygamy. In doing the research, I discovered that many women in Kenya and around the world are actually embracing polygamy as an alternative lifestyle. Even in the United States, though they call themselves ‘sister wives’. Not sure why since they aren’t sisters. I think co-wife sounds better, but that’s just my opinion.

I digress…

If homosexuality, transgender(sm) and even bestiality are being embraced in the ‘developed’ world as an alternative to monogamy then what is so wrong with polygamy. It definitely sounds more sane than all these other forms of union. And besides it’s part of our tradition as Africans. Our fore fathers did it before the missionaries brought cristianian(sm) and condemned everything African along with it. What are we left with? The other day some Kenya guy declared that he was ‘transitioning’ after seeing Caitlyn Jenner, formerly known as Bruce Jenner a retired Olympic gold medal-winning decathlete, change from male to female. Why do we readily embrace anything western while strongly condemn our own cultures and look down on those who do.

Granted, polygamy is not for everyone. But for those who feel that it’s the right fit for them, then it’s ok. It’s nothing that I would ever consider doing, but now that I understand the concept of polygamy more, I no longer look down on Alyson or any other woman who is comfortable being a second wife. It’s better than being a mistress or breaking up a marriage. As long as the man can afford the cost of two households, then, do your thing! Nothing should stand in the way of your happiness, not even another woman.

As for Alyson, she finally got that traditional wedding, had a beautiful baby got a house and car along with a hubby. She and the first wife now get along, not that great, but descent enough to tolerate each other. And they are all one big polygamous family!