Dear Diary: It Is Depressing If Nothing Much Left To Do

It makes me feel lazy if I am forced to be just unable to do what I want as currently I am half-bedridden and was just lucky to be able to bathe myself otherwise I am as good as a vegetable without tasting like one. It is hard to be disabled because I am basically tied with my hands and cannot do much except blog so I am trying to be as productive about it and in doing so I could take my mind off from my dreaded condition which is really depressing.

Often I am sleeping whenever I can but I cannot overdo sleeping because we can get only much of it. If I can only sleep like a bear like what it does to prepare it from winter then I would just to make myself forget about what I feel on my body in general particularly so on my psychological health because being in a constant stress in life does make me go on the verge of being crazy. The only thing maybe that hold me together was blogging and prayer, prayer for myself and prayers done by the people who loves me here.

My father always does things around the house. Sometimes he fixes things and just makes it ugly but functional like what he did to our faucet in the bathroom when it leaked, put metal braces on it and it looks like an eyesore now but is not leaking. i guess that my father has a way to keep his mind off things so he really doesn't get depressed at all. So we just let him do his stuffs no matter how unneeded those maybe.

But as for myself I cannot even stand straight. When I just want to help in the kitchen it is impossible because my drool just drips down ruining what is down below plus I cannot look down directly for the reason that my neck already had sunk and my chin is on the way so it just strikes my chest when I look down. Plus also, I cannot stand up because of the deformity on m back.

These problems just leaves me unable to do what I wanted and when I wanted in my life. Even taking my own money from the ATM I have to ask my brother about it so my parents and my brother would learn about how much I have. Quite a breach in my privacy in that matter though but it is okay since they are my immediate close relatives. So it is a hard life and I am thanking that at least there is something that is in my life that helps me keep my sanity like steemit and it makes my mind busy and keeps me off from thinking bad things and get productive in the other hand.