How I went from a quiet life to total chaos and back - my story of dealing with loss - Part 2

You can read Part 1 here: https://steemit.com/steemit/@corina/6yxkmh-how-i-went-from-a-quiet-life-to-total-chaos-and-back-my-story-of-dealing-with-loss-part-1

I landed in Bucharest on January 21st. The first thing I did was buy a packet of cigarettes, even though I hadn't smoked in 2 years. I was embracing my careless self and it felt good. I worried about nothing and it gave me a weird sense of freedom.

The first few days were pretty quiet. I was staying with a childhood friend who I hadn't seen in years and conversations were pretty awkward. I had no other friends in Bucharest so I decided to go to Galati where my cousin lived.

I always loved trains when I was little. Spending hours looking out the window was one of my favorite things to do as a child, so I was pretty excited about my 4 hour journey. I bought a ton of snacks and magazines and got on. But no long after we started moving the heating broke on the whole train. There were -15 degrees Celsius outside and within minutes we were all freezing. I opened my massive suitcase and took out all the winter clothes I had (not many at all), I put on another pair of socks on and covered my legs with a jacket, but none of this made much difference. By the time I arrived in Galati I was so cold I could barely move.

My cousin was waiting for me at the station and I was really happy to see her. But the 5 minute wait for the taxi in the fierce wind felt like a lifetime, and I was already as miserable as one can get. After we got home and I had a warm bath, we went out. It was Saturday night and I wasn't ready to refuse any form of losing my head. I hadn't been in a club for a while and my state of mind at the time meant I could do whatever the hell I felt like.
So I drunk and I drunk. By 3 am I was kissing somebody, after I had apparently already arranged a date with someone else. Of course, the next morning it was all news to me. If this would have happened a few months before, I would have been crying of embarrassment. But that morning I was finding it pretty funny.

And this is how the crazy times started. The following days I could care about nothing but partying. All I wanted was to keep my mind busy with as much excitement and alcohol I could get. I was easily smoking two packs a day and eating close to nothing. I didn't give a damn about my health or my image, I felt free. The second day in Galati I was already dating, even though I had no interest at all in being with anyone. I needed distraction, as much as I could get. Having such a laid back attitude and being pretty good looking, distractions weren't hard to find.

Looking back now I think it's incredible how dramatically my life and mindset changed overnight. I went from being a quiet girls in a serious relationship to this crazy party animal I never knew I could be. I had always been mindful of what impression I left on people, but none of that mattered to me anymore. I was completely and totally careless.

this is a photo from January (sorry for quality, I don't have many from that time)

All this time Ed had been constantly trying to get in touch with me. I had changed my number and was deleting all his emails. I was doing my best to ignore him. Thinking of him meant thinking of everything else, and that wasn't going to work in my current lifestyle. I wasn't ready to start processing anything so my only escape was to keep moving.
I bought another train ticket to Pascani, my birth town. I didn't know what I was going to find when I got there. I had lost contact with most of my friends and I knew there were not many partying opportunities in such a small town. But I had to go. I had left Galati at 6 in the morning, after a night of heavy drinking. Fortunately, the heating worked all the way. By this time I had already managed to get the worst flu I ever had, and the lack of food and sleep, plus the stupid number of cigarettes weren't helping. I was looking so ill and coughing so much that one of the other passengers asked me if I could move to an empty carriage. I got angry but had no energy to argue, so I took my bags and moved. All I wanted was to get some sleep.

I arrived just before midday and went to our old apartment, my childhood home. I restarted the gas and the lights and couldn't wait for a hot shower. But it turned out I still had the same amazing luck. The water had been stopped on the entire apartment building, the exact day I arrived. No water meant no shower, but also no heating. So I got dressed again and went out to meet with the few friends I had kept in touch with. Soon my fears were confirmed. There were very little people left in town and absolutely nothing to do.

this is a photo I took that same evening at 6pm

It was pretty scary for me. It meant I had no way of getting distracted and I had to stay inside and be with myself, and this I wasn't ready to do.

Continuation in part 3