"This small-cap coin has exploded in price recently!"

Being currently pumped by Tether

"Our site is closed to new customers until we handle the current demand"

We're not sure how to deal with investigations by federal authorities and need time to clean our logs

"Bitcoin is the gold of crypto"

Because it's also highly manipulated by a small cohort of players with oversized influence

"Litecoin is the silver of crypto"

No one else uses it for commerce or daily transactions either and has little utility as a currency

"Institutions are teaming up to work with smart-contracts and blockchain tech! Great news for the price!"

They say as they develop their own internal private networks that are designed to eliminate the need for human labor and automate the process of document signing etc. in order to increase profits and widen the wealth gap in society

"I bought a house/car/gold converted to fiat or other hard assets"

But you should totally keep dumping money into crypto at these prices because I'll need you as a bag holder later