I fear you have gone over to the dark side..;) I sincerely hope you find that balance between using your delegation for the greater good of Steemit while still being able to pay for it. It's a fine line.
I think your sentiments are in the right place, and I hope you find the answers you are looking for. Having to self upvote more than for others should be a red flag that it's not worth it.
Good luck
We will see, I am darker than those around me but generally live on the lighter side of life (despite the coming dystopia we will face :D ). I will experiment but I am willing (and able) to wear a bit of a loss if making a gain means crossing over.
Keep an eye out anyway, just in case.
I look forward to seeing how your experience goes.