I've spent more than my fair share of time behind "bars," but it wasn't till I reached the age of 22 that things started to become real. For the first time my one to two day stints in jail had turned into a 90 day bid, after which I spent three years on probation only to fail and return for a year, this time because my naturalist beliefs of using marijuana to help with my depression and bi-polar problems appealed to me more so than the plethora of side effects that so often accompany the use of pharmaceuticals. Before I started smoking the sweet leaf at age 24 the use of drugs and alcohol was nonexistent in my life because I had found my drug of choice which happened to be the thrill of shoplifting. Unbeknownst to me I had become addicted. No matter hoI am extremely grateful today for a very specific reason. Now I don't know why the police weren't called because they typically are in situations like this, but for whatever reason the moon and stars must have shifted on their axis to grant me this favor that can only be explained by an understanding and belief in the metaphysical powers of the universe.
w hard I tried to stop the desire was far too powerful , I couldn't set foot inside a store with out the feeling almost forcing me to fill my pockets.
The year I had spent locked up played a big role in finally riding myself of this petty desire, but it took another two for me to feel confident that I was finally done, the struggle was over, but yesterday after a long morning the wife and I went to Walgreens to fill her prescription. We had pretty much just walked in the door when out of nowhere the unfounded accusations began to part the woman's lips behind the register. She began accusing me of stealing the beverage I had just purchased moments before at the grocery store. The tone of her voice in coalescence with her body language told me that she felt certain that I had stolen the tea I was drinking.
After struggling for years and feeling constantly disappointed in myself, I had finally found the happiness I desired and for over seven years now not once has the thought of theft crossed my mind, but as the woman so adamantly pointed her finger at me in front of a big line of people, all of the dreadful emotions that played a major role in helping me to quit stealing started to rush back like a tidal wave and even though I hadn't taken anything I started to feel like a piece of shit and that's when I lost it. The switch had been flipped and as I verbally slaughtered her I proceeded to grab three twelve packs of soda, one at a time and began tossing them across the store.
The anger had shut down my reasoning and it wasn't until I noticed the mess that I had made that I realized what I'd done. Now that she had succeeded in making me feel truly ashamed of myself it was at this moment that I began to leave.
Before reaching the doors the store director who'd just so happened to be working this day came over and spoke with me. I apologized for what I had done and explained the reasoning while I offered to pay for everything that I had destroyed, but to my everlasting surprise he wasn't the least bit upset with me. He understood the situation and though I shouldn't have been throwing 12 packs of soda around the store he to recognized why events on my behalf transpired the way that they did. He offered me a very sincere apology as well as a fifty dollar gift card.
At the very least I should've had to deal with the cops and being the assholes that most of them are I most certainly would've been spending a few nights in county, but they didn't even call them which made me even more surprised.
Every day I wake up thankful for what and who I have in my life, but truth be told, I can't even remember the last time I had felt this thankful. Yesterday started out bad and became progressively worse, but as I stated in the beginning something magnificent happened because I should be in a jail cell at this moment instead of being blessed to share this story with you.