The Balance of Parenting

Every generation of parents face a different dilemma. For today's parents it is pretty much guaranteed that the problem involves a computer.

Sometimes I think my eldest son has merged and become one with his PC; or at least he would if he knew how! Admittedly it is a fabulous computer, I would love it. My computer is great, does so much more than I need, but the fan is loud and ultimately that drives me to turning it off. (Maybe this is the solution, build a gremlin into all PCs 😉 )

Back to topic …

What are the primary computer questions which parents worry about?

• How long is too long?

• Will a child eventually get bored and stop, thus developing the ability to self-monitor? Or will they stay there indefinitely?

• Do strict guidelines isolate them from classmates and friends whose parents think differently?

• Finally, how safe are they on the computer?

Strangely enough, my last question about safety is actually the easiest. There are simple guidelines based on not giving information. No personal details, age, location, real name, blah blah blah; if some one asks for any of these details – LEAVE THE GAME.

My kids have recently had to move to new schools and one way they have cemented school friendships is through playing online in the evenings. So, I have got a little lacks about it all. There is a ‘no computers before school rule’. I think this is important for their mood. There are times when this is broken, like today. My youngest was vomiting at 5am this morning and no one was getting back to sleep , so the eldest was allowed to watch youtube before school while the youngest took over the sofa and TV (the living room is next to the bath room!!) We have a rule for the other end of the day as well, ‘no computers after supper’. We claim our kids for the evening, it is ours and no one and nothing is going to take them away from us during this time.

The last thing we have is a guideline, not a rule. Before we eat every evening my husband and I sit and have nibbles and a glass of wine. We invite the kids down to join us. This is their chance to choose between the PC and us. Interestingly the PC is not an outright winner, in fact it is not even close to nudging into the number one spot.

How do you know if you are getting the balance right?
For me there are two ways:

1. How do they mix with other adults and how do these adults react to my kids? In my opinion all children should be able to communicate with adults respectfully while still having the confidence and ability to either share their views or to gather information and answers to questions.
2. What is life like when we are away from the PC? How do they behave? Do I feel there is anything wrong with their behaviour?

To answer these let me recount our weekend activities.

On Saturday we went to the beach. It’s a short drive there (was slightly prolonged by the demonstrating bikers on the route) my eldest announced that ‘he wouldn’t go in the sea, and wasn’t in the mood for the beach’. That lasted about 5 minutes. Certainly, within ten minutes we were all in the sea and my husband and I had the pleasure of leaving them in there while we enjoyed watching them be boys and play in the sea just as kids are supposed to. We eventually dragged them out with the promise of ice creams (that never fails, my teenager has hollow legs, mention food and he comes running).

The following day we headed to watch the Under 20s World Rugby Championships. This was the first rugby match they had ever been to and they did us proud. They stood for the national anthems, applauded every try and conversion - even when it wasn’t the team they were supporting. But most importantly, they had fun. We all had fun, together as a family. They also caught up with friends who they bumped into and we never once had to tell them off.

I am not the perfect parent, or wife, and my kids are definitely not perfect. But somewhere, some how we found a balance.

To all you parents out there worrying about the mass of information and advice: be your own judge, look at your kids and guide them to be the best little fun-loving people they can be.