ARE MEN REALLY SCUM?

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The second definition of scum by Longman's Dictionary of Contemporary English is "nasty, unpleasant people". I never knew such word existed until the wake of e-feminism. To be more specific, a story once trended about a guy who murdered his girlfriend in South Africa. According to the story, the relationship has been an abusive one. The guy more than many times displayed animalistic propensities towards the lady; yet, she got stuck to him. After her death, twitter and other social media was agog with #MenAreScum trending. That's how I added the word to the list of my active vocabulary.

But then, are men really scum? Let's examine the arguments raised below.

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Scums Won't Easily Be At The Centre Of Protection Of Their Loved Ones:
The consciousness of protecting their loved ones seems to be evolved right from childhood in men. While growing up, it was normal for us to fight and protect our sisters and younger ones. It was normal for us to fight and protect our friends especially if the other party appears to be stronger. This dated as far back as the medieval ages. When families are traveling by the bush parts, the older and stronger men usually stay at the front with the younger ones and women behind.

Even among men who are perceived as irresponsible by the society such as drug addicts, they do not stand aloof when it comes to protecting their families and loved ones. According to a Psychologist, James B. Stenson

Men have instincts, attitudes and physical strengths that empower them for tough-minded, sacrificial service to those people who count most in their lives, starting with their families.

Let me buttress this with a story. Some years ago in College, a female hostel caught fire. it was like an impulsive act, almost all the boys jumped out of the classroom and rushed to the burning hostel. we did everything we could to quench the fire. Just last week, a friend of mine engaged in a physical combat with two other men who tried to sexually assault his girlfriend. All over the world, men do not take for granted the duty of protecting their families and lived ones. These actions are instinctive. I called them innate responsibilities.

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Now, do you think it is politic to refer to these people who sacrifice so much for their loved ones scum?

Breadwinning For Most Families And Relationships:
Undoubtedly, the number of female breadwinners in families are increasing by the day; however, the majority of breadwinners in most homes are still men. In organised and developed countries, high earning most times comes from working super long hours. Workaholics are mostly men. A study at Harvard as documented by Roy F. Baumeister in his book, 'Is There Anything Good About Men?' showed that 80% of those who work long 50-hour week long are men.

I interviewed a bricklayer why he worked so hard despite the harsh weather condition. His exact words were, "I have a family to provide for". Especially for Christians, provision for families over time has been a responsibility no man desires to fail at. Even with the modern upsurge in female breadwinning, every man feels the need to provide for his family even when he's unable to do so. The day and night toiling of these men are not just for themselves alone. If it were for themselves, most of them would not have bothered to labour so much. The love for their families keep keeping them to toil more.

Does sound nice and fair to you to call these men unpleasant?

Injustice To Men And Women And Societal Reactions To Them:
You hardly hear about cases of abuse of men by women. You easily hear about that of women by men especially on social media. I watched a video clip where a comparison was made on how the society reacts to bullying of men and women in public places by their respective members of the opposite sex. The society quickly frowns at men bullying women. They even come to the rescue of such women and in some cases, reprimand the man severely. However, they do not show same response when women are bullying men.

Men are harassed, bullied and abused in different ways by women even in marriages. Just about same time the South African guy murdered his girlfriend; a man was murdered in a hotel by a girl who made away with his money. #MenAreScum trended but #WomenAreScum did not trend.

What point am I trying to make? Evil does not solely rest in the bosom of any sex. We have men who are wicked and inhumane; we equally have women who are wicked and inhumane. An uncle to a friend of mine while travelling to America got to know at the embassy that his four children are not his biological children after a DNA test was conducted on them. The women had been keeping it away from the husband all the while they have been living as husband and wife.

Sexual And Relationship Preference In Both Sexes:
Published in Personality and Social Psychology bulletin, a study showed that men are attracted to nice and responsive women while women are more attracted to domineering and less responsive men. Taking it further on men's relationship preference, James Stenson observed:

most husbands have no desire to lord over their wives, but they don't want to fight with them either. All they want is peace.

These variations in relationship preference account for so many wrong relationships we see in the society. The nice guys may not be as adventurous as the bad guys. Hence ladies fall for the bad guys more. In addition, other infinitesimal reasons such as good looks and financial buoyancy play no small roles too. In the course of such wrong relationships, things usually fall apart. Sometimes, the relationships degenerate to abusive ones. And it is not very easy to abandon such relationships. The concomitant effects comprise hurts, infidelity and heartbreaks especially on the part of the woman. When such a woman manages to leave such a relationship, the stigma won't let her see the good in most men again. Same can equally be said of men who were exploited or abused in relationships.

Conclusions And Recommendations:
Men are scum is too generalized a statement to be true. Neither men nor women are scum. The argument can find a safer ground if they say some men are scum. Obviously, some men and women are scum.

What is to be done to have a saner society devoid of, or at least, with reduced gender associated disagreements and quarrels? I suggest we develop mutual respect for each other. The two sexes should learn how to respect each other. I believe if we have the culture of respect, issues like calling men scum won't easily spring up. Also, no sane mind will take undue advantage or abuse someone you respect. The culture of respect will go a long way in sanitising the polity.

Secondly, put your ideals and values to the table of your partner-to-be before entering into any relationship. Let him/her know who you are and what you want. If the compatibility is not there, you both should go your ways. Place premium on your person and how you should be treated more than your emotions and how he looks or what he is. These days, people hardly define relationships and what they Want. Before they realize the mistake they have made, they have already become irrevocably committed to the relationship.

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It may be difficult to leave but you just have to do so when the relationship goes south; when it becomes what you never expected it to be. Relationship should bring happiness; it shouldn't take it away from you. Do not endure for ages only to come out eventually to vent your anger on innocent members of the opposite sex. Most times, we have the solutions to our problems. It requires just a conscious decision and effort the effect the change we need.

MEN ARE NOT SCUM. SHARE THE GOSPEL

Thanks for reading

*I am @winningman.