It can be intimidating to realize that every decision contributes to the man you want to be. If you want to become a better person, though, you must constantly bear this in mind. I understand being daunted at first. But there’s something very powerful about radically taking responsibility for your life. When you accept that only you can make decisions to become a better person and build yourself into the kind of man you want to be, you give yourself an enormous amount of power.

Compare this mindset with the default one, in which you view yourself as largely created by external forces. That worldview can be easier — at least it can feel easier — but it’s also far less secure, fun and empowering. Our real power as individuals comes in how we choose to react to those forces. If you lose a job you love, for example, you have a few options. You can choose to stew about it for a week — that can feel very satisfying, natural and easy. Or you can acknowledge the loss and choose to throw your negative energy into finding an even better job. Or you can sit with the feeling as you go on a five-mile run, contemplating your next move.

Either way, your choice is determining the person you are now.

And we’re not just talking about chasing big dreams. This isn’t about turning around from a loss and then, say, deciding to run for Congress. This is about recognizing that however you respond to your life situation — big or small — you are determining the quality of your life tomorrow. Wallow in self-pity, or go for that run. Stew in the disappointment, or take a risk by applying for the job you’ve wanted all along. The possibilities are only limited by our own imagination. “Reasonable” is a lot more ambitious than you think.

Becoming the man you want to be begins with deciding who that is.