I met Jesus.

I met Jesus this morning. It was an inspirational meeting. I was always told Jesus would talk to me when I least expected it, and man were those people right.

This morning started off just like many of my mornings. I woke up, scratched my balls, and made sure my wife's tits were still huge. Then I stumbled my way into the bathroom to get rid of the meatballs I ate the night before.

I decided to get on steemit while my meatballs were getting on the bus to head down south, and that's when I heard it. A deep faint voice calling my name. I looked around my bathroom in disbelief. What could this be? Who's there I shouted! What do you want?

By this time the meatballs had all gathered on the bus, and were taking a swim in the ocean unknown! The voice called me again, except this time is was very loud, and it rattled my nutsack. I jumped off of my throne, and what I looked at when I looked down will never be explained. It was a perfectly molded Jesus that was made out of turd.

Jesus started explaining that steemit is the devil, and how anyone who uses it is going to hell at the end of July. This was the point when I decided I don't have room in my life for a talking turd.

I quickly slammed the lid of my toilet down! I could feel the force of poop trying to push the toilet seat open! I pulled the handle down and flushed. I thought it was over, but when I opened the lid to take a peak inside there he was! Jesus with no legs! Yelling at me, and clinging on to the side of the toilet bowl for dear life. I had to act fast this was getting bad! I started pulling as much toilet paper as I could from the roll beside me. I was throwing it on top of the Jesus turd as he was screaming at me to stop! I left the lid open this time! As I pulled the handle I saw the toilet paper getting wet, and with a swift flow of water Jesus sank into the whirlpool. It was a close call! I almost died!

I've learned a lot from this experience. One, I shouldn't eat meatballs after midnight. Two, turds can come in any form. Three, I should wash my hands after I play with shit in the morning. Oh, well my wife's pillow looks like a nice victim.