Serve Shit and Call it Steak
I Know, you may have heard that phrase “Don’t feed me shit and tell me it’s sugar.” (Country_boy) Yet when told its meaning some would say, it comes from a response to purposely mislead another; through a statement or bold face lie. Let me tell you what a Taurean feels about that statement, and where the Bull thinks that phrase truly comes from…
“You serve me Shit, and call it steak?!” – Kianna divine Taurean Confusion
What is the person serving as Shit? Well. Let’s start at the beginning of the story… There once was a bullish Taurean, who has a strong moral compass of self while smelling the morning dew in peace. Walking towards her appeared to be a desperate man in need. Unsure of her assumption, you know how that goes, based on a person first visual impression she asked her new priority or friend “ what is wrong?” as the bull head slants to the side, awaiting his response. Looking down at the rich soil beneath them he replied “I would offer anyone steak and baby baked potatoes smothered with butter, top it off with a pinch of salt/pepper to reward the person who can help me.” Mouthwatering from the thought of eating that delicious hearty meal, she asked her new conquest, friend, or stranger, “What must I do to get such a mouthwatering cuisine of a food? Nothing is for free.”
Delighted to hear the Taurus response in such a loyal manner, he yet again looked down at the dark stable soil beneath them and said “Could you help me grow potatoes, wheat, and grapes for me and my loved ones?” The tender Taurus delighted she is absolutely, needed and wanted for something important, accepts her new found companion on his unspoken challenge. Did I forget to mention that bulls in history are known in the zodiacs as natural builders of fertility. Okay let’s back up the scene. Looking back at her doubtful quest of a man, she said “Yes!” From that moment she agreed until 12 O’clock, which is the standard hour for the average working citizen or person to go out for lunch, took this opportunity to plow through the hard fertile soil. Even when the sun sizzled and caused sweat to develop on her beautiful soft mane, the steadfast taurean kept digging and planting seeds to harvest. Even when some parts of the soil appeared softer, her sassy wit walked a mile to get sturdy sticks to make a gate for the veggies and grapes to fertilize into fruition. For the owner did promise her steak and coated baby baked potatoes, with a splash of salt and pepper.
Propelled by the vision of such a deserving meal, the bold bull stayed focused on the task at hand. Rearranging what order each seed should sprout early, cased on by visual proof gave the Taurus a sense of purpose, she became delighted to feel the sun and winds hit the soil for germination. Tactful Taurus eager to show her latest creation to the desperate owner who has requested her help in his dilemma lightly tapped on his door. Surprised to meet the beaming bull he meet earlier at daybreak (5 am), he slid the door open, making it just enough space for himself to enter… “Hello friend, you promise if anyone could help you plant potatoes wheat and grapes for you loved ones that you would offer that person steak with melted butter with a dash of salt pepper on the potatoes, I even planted extra veggies for market if you happen to sell them to the locals in your town.” Flustered that the willful bull really helped him with his task told the taurean “Hold On”, taking a moment to think, the owner told the generous worker to wait outside. Happy that her hard work paid off, she thought about what seasoning was on the steak? Is it well done? What will she start with first? 10 minutes goes by, and still no owner, no steak, not even a hint of a scent to trigger the Taurus that her meal is done.
Becoming concern, she thought the worst, yet her heart stayed optimistic, she rather chooses to replace the negative thought with a guess instead. Maybe the owner needs coal to reheat the meal, he probably feels embarrassed to delay my meal. “Do you need me to fetch coal to reheat your oven?” Happy the Taurus is giving him time to solve his stagnation, he replied “ah, ah Yes I do!” Hearing the owner at a distance say yes set on her journey to the owners neighbor’s house to ask for coal. Oh, did I forget to reveal that each neighbor lives 2 miles apart. Once more this time for another purpose, the sharp steel of her horns softly tapped on the neighbor’s door for help. A little irritated at someone’s knocking on her door; the neighbor swiftly swung the door open, while saying “What Do You Want COW!” Shocked by the neighbor’s delivery to her agitation, the courageous bull asked “May I borrow some coal from you?” Not amused at the Taurus plea the neighbor asked like a matter a fact demeanor “Why Should I help you CATTLE?”
Not wanting to lie, but also needed coal said to the neighbor… “An owner’s crops that I have just planted truly needs some coal, if you need help with anything that I can assist you with to even the exchange for coal would be greatly appreciative.” Not needing or even wanting this beastly thang of a bull, yet was inwardly pisst to be woken up told the taurean to plow her husband’s land, which was 3 miles long to get the hefty dark pebble the bull yearns to obtain. Not wanting to further irritate the neighbor the Bull sets on her quest to work the husband’s land. 2 hours later the neighbor proud of the free help, gave the equal exchange of coal. When the bull opens the bag, to her amazement only half the value of coal was present. Taken aback, the bullheaded bull asks the neighbor with penetrating horns “What happened to the rest of the bags or even the rest of the coal in this particular bag you serve me?” With a mischievous smile the neighbor replied “You never asked me how much coal I will give you for your task, so this is enough tar to coal to get you through the day.” A little disappointed, but not angry, the bewildered bull walked 2 miles back to the owner’s home. Little bit harder, the bull tapped at the door to get the owner’s attention, since it is 6 o’clock at night.
A look of joy appeared on the man’s face, seeing the bull this time around said “I finally have your steak and potatoes.” Thankful for the owner’s new-found promptness, the tantalized bull asked “Where is it?”, he replied “Stay riiight there, I have to get it from the kitchen.” Handed on a beautiful white and golden plate was baby baked potatoes, yet something else was on the plate, that appeared to replace the steak. The flabbergasted bull smelt the steak that was handed to her and sternly said “Even if my eyes may at times deceive me, my nose knows shit when she smells it, are you seriously handing me shit, and calling it steak!? WHERE IS MY STEAK!?” “There it is, on your plate” slightly baffled at the gulls of this bull to question his standards of moral fiber.
Exasperated the stubborn bull says “No this steak smells and physically looks like shit, just shaped like a steak; all I have done is grow all day, and not to toot my own horn but a true farmer knows shit when they see or smell it. What do you think fertilizes the soil, doo- doo. That shit is rich with proteins and nutrients for any crop to grow for exchange of money.” Shocked at the female Taurus knowledge of basic principles of farming, stepped behind his door and said “You never ask how you wanted you steak to be done in the 1st place!” and Slammed the door, locked it up tight while laughing heartily from within his safe fortress of a home. Turning away just disgusted at the whole thing, the naive bull walked off. Walking 10 paces, the female bull heard the owner gently opened his door once more.
Happy that he might have been playing with her this whole time turned around to face him. Quickly he ran towards her and snatched the half bag of coal out of the bull’s mouth while sprinting back into his home. Breathlessly he sings “Thanks… for the coal you confused simple bull, ha ha ha heifer the joke is on you”. So, if you ever hear the phrase “You serve me shit, while calling it steak does not resonate with you in any way, then we as human beings have no feelings at all.
Huge Shout out To: Sheeba Maya for her Beautiful pic of Zodiac Taurus, Alyssa from the Recipe Critic (Tried and True) cite for Steak and Potato Pic, and Philippines Plus Article Pic by Kano.
A. What do you think the bull should have done differently? B. The confusion of the Taurus situation, what must she watch out for next time as red flags? Laugh out loud