Sports are like a religion to me. I'm not kidding.



Please God. Please let Jay Cutler break his leg.

I can't believe I am including the work of a French sociologist in a post about sports but I am. Deal with it.

Emile Durkheim said that religion has three functions in society:

1. it provides social cohesion through shared rituals and beliefs
2. it provides social controls through its rules
3. it provides meaning and purpose to answer existential questions

Ok If I didn't bore you to death and you are still with me, sports does all those things. But it just provides them in a much less serious and more fun way.

Do you think these people have anything in common?

Social Cohesion

Have you ever gone to your wife's work party where you know absolutely no one else? If you want to guarantee that you will have someone to talk to, simply make sure you wear something that has the logo of your favorite team. I assure you that some other lonely and pathetic guest will be looking for an opening to talk to anyone at the party. In fact, if you go with the home team's logo, I bet you will have a group of 5 - 10 people all talking and laughing. If that isn't bringing people together and providing social cohesion, I don't know what is.

If you need further proof, do the exact opposite. Wear the home team's arch rival's logo and you will see the entire party bond together as one against you.

This clearly teaches you to never "give anyone the business."

Teaching people to follow rules

That is pretty much what sports are. A crazy collection of rules that make no sense anywhere else in society. It is the perfect practice for how to follow dumb rules at the office. Putting on a shirt and tie for work? Well that is just like tucking in your uniform. Don't talk to Mel on the last Friday of the month because that is the day his financial reports are due? That is just like not talking to a pitcher during a no-hitter. Only use black ink when filling out your TPS reports? I give you the infield fly rule. Don't sleep with your coworkers' wives. Actually athletes break that one all the time.

I'm not saying people need to become mindless drones, but if a person wants to live in society, he needs to follow rules and social norms. Sports provide a safe way to learn how to follow them. That is unless you talk to your kicker right before he misses a field goal. Then your teammates are going to beat the living shit out of you.

Answering deep questions

Actually there is only one question that sports answers: does God hate me?

99% of the time the answer is yes. If God didn't hate me, the shortstop would not have dropped that ball. If God didn't hate me the referee would have called that obvious foul committed by LeBron. If God didn't hate me Jay Cutler would not have been in the NFL for the last 8 seasons (but he's gone now so maybe God is warming up to me). If God didn't hate me the goalie would have stopped that puck. If God didn't hate me Christian Laettner would have been suspended for stomping on Aminu Timberlake and he would have never even been in that game to hit that fluke shot.

Then every 20 years or so, my team wins and I feel a little bit of temporary relief until the ref blows the next call.

Steemsports

I don't know how to write this without sounding like I am just trying to kiss ass but I think steemit needs more sports content. Steemsports has some talented writers. It is a great start. I hope it continues to expand and cover more teams. Please keep creating sports related content!

I like to write a lot of sports based humorous posts like this one about the Chris Paul NBA trade. If you like sports and like to laugh, I hope you will check out my blog @theregularguy.

Source for the religion information https://www.boundless.com/sociology/textbooks/boundless-sociology-textbook/religion-14/the-functionalist-perspective-on-religion-106/functions-of-religion-593-8141/