RE: “Pulling a Michael Chang” – Or, How Self-deprecation Might Hurt Your Credibility & Writing
You make some exceptional points, but I will always be my own harshest critic, I don't think I could handle it if I was not. It helps me push myself to work harder and actively seek more feedback to improve. It also prepares me for any critical feedback I do get, and helps me accept it and learn from it instead of being guarded.
In some ways for me, it is similar to it taking a certain amount of intelligence to realise the limits of your own, I will only improve if I keep seeing the flaws in my work. For me, when I say things like not enjoying a story I wrote, or not being keen on how something turned out, it is in some ways about owning that. I am sure you have equally expediences in contests of stories you wouldn't have put in the top three out of the entries, winning, these things are subjective and in some way I guess it is me acknowledging that sometimes.
I really struggle with the whole sharing process when I do really like something, maybe in some ways I preemptively batter down any hint of hope before it arises, my re-occurring themes of the hurt of hope have real life rooting. If I think something is mediocre, or not brilliant, then when it doesn't get read much, it doesn't hurt as much. When I write something I love, I get anxiety after posting it, it isn't really worry, more like hopesick, I find it much easier to share when I am harder on myself.
For a long time, when I was more writing poetry, I didn't like much of what I wrote, now I have a great degree of affection towards some of it, but other stuff will still repel me. I don't think I say I am not a good writer (feel free to call me out on that ;) ) but I do have stronger and weaker stories, and feel like owning the weakness is important. Like baking a cake, it is still cake, it will still taste nice, but sometimes it could have turned out better, identifying when and why will only a better baker make.
You are by far one of the best writers I've come across in a long time. And no, I've never seen you say you felt you were a bad writer. I think it's different to say you know what? This piece could have been better, or, I'm not quite happy with it. I can certainly relate to that feeling very much. I applaud you for putting it out there even if you're not quite certain about it or if you know in your mind it's not "the best." Every song on an album isn't a hit after all, right?
I haven't ever been frustrated with your notes on your pieces. You are very specific about the feedback you are looking for and what your concerns were. You put it at the end too, which is great, rather than at the top. I've always viewed your notes as a solicitation for constructive help, or just some insight on your process, and that's a very positive thing.
You remind me of a close friend of mine, a brilliant musician, who is never happy with his songs (although you are happy with your work most times!). To me, a lay person, they sound amazing. I don't "get" it when he's critical of his work. I jokingly say to him, "well if that's you just messing around then you could make a whole album of that and everyone would like it so get to work." (lol) I'm just the "customer" - I have no inside knowledge of how it's made, what it's made from - all I know is I like it.
I totally understand. I do that too. Sometimes I practice a kind of self-therapy with that and separately create an exaggerated version of everything that I perceive as bad. For instance the original draft of this was much more scathing and angry (if you can imagine any higher level of angst lol). It's part of the process to see just how far I can go with da badness haha.
Speaking of this angst, there were actually a few people on my mind here when I wrote it and you certainly weren't one of them. I am totally "vaguebooking" here because I didn't name them or call them out. But the scenario is this - they are obviously skilled in professional level marketing, have a few steem based products (that I like, or else I wouldn't be following them) and they are dipping their toes into the creative writing contests, outside of their tech projects. The people I'm thinking of are using the whole "I'm not a good writer" thing and then winning these creative contests. I'm not angry that they are winning, I'm irritated with the insincere preambles disclaiming writing ability.