Lifehacks for the Mind | Part 4: "Your Ego is not your Enemy"

Many spiritual teachers and groups are at odds with the ego - beginning practitioners are constantly encouraged to drop their ego, to stop giving it power, and to remember its illusory nature when it pretends to be the controller of everything. And while these recommendations have their merit, I have found that my ego doesn't particularly enjoy being shunned and locked away in the basement for its odd way of communicating its needs.

After a few weeks of dabbling with a new strategy I can say becoming a team with my ego was totally worth it, instead of seeing it as mere obstacle to spiritual progress.

The tireless critic

My ego is my own worst critic. It can be relentless, when I feel I have made a mistake it will conjure up endless thought loops in the mind - things to be remembered, coulda-shoulda-woulda's, fits of jealousy and perceived unfairness about this, that and the other thing.

From a certain perspective my ego is a professional - it can create the most logical and persuasive cases for and against anything. Especially when the brain's reward circuits are involved, it can move mountains.

The ego really is at war with the world. It's "me vs. everyone" even when it claims its motivations to be selfless.

Even when things seem to happen on their own accord the ego will step in and claim full credit for them often, it's a pushy negotiator that seeks self-interest above all else and then packages it in shiny and reasonable stories so that it can feel justified about its latest fit.

It's been really tough at times, because the moment I give in to these stories about how "this or that is just super unfair" it becomes a self-generating thought loop that depresses me quickly. The ego's thought loops become engrained in the body and I feel stressed and maybe even angry about a story that is solely running in my mind - not in actuality.

It's that "poor little me" aspect of the 'I' that becomes worse the more I fight against it - as fighting simply gives it more fuel to work with.

Question is: Can I tame my ego, and if so - how would I go about it?

Name and tame

I picked up this brilliant idea through a lecture by David Hawkins recently who calls the ego the "animal" aspect of us, which is rather fitting to its constant drive for self-preservation and proliferation against its surroundings.

The idea goes as follows:

Give your ego a name and treat it like a pet. Yes, you read that right. Think of some witty name for your ego that underscores its animal nature, and address it as such whenever it comes up with some story or rationalization.

If your ego pretends to be super clever all the time call it "Einstein".
If your ego loves to sabotage your ambitions and initiatives call it "Chucky".
If your ego loves to criticize anything and anyone constantly call it "Caesar".

The point is to develop a relationship to your ego that allows it to be what it wants to be, and to recognize that it's merely following its animal nature as well as it can.

In this way you have set a frame in which to interact with the ego so that it neither gets ignored nor misunderstood for its "contributions". You will see that just acknowledging the ego's tirades (born from its animal nature) is often enough to shut it up. Instead of attemtping to resist its constant attempts to overwhelm your life from its limited viewpoint.

By treating the ego like a pet we have effectively kicked it from its throne and made it a humble servant that may actually offer some good advice now and then.

"Yes Rover, people are idiots, there there."

Next time your ego throws a fit - just take note of it. Don't confuse yourself with the ego, just allow the pet its space to express itself to you, and acknowledge its needs in its archaic way of communicating... through your mere attention.

If someone wronged you and your ego is crying foul, tell your pet that you are grateful for its constant vigilance: "Good dog!" If your ego criticizes your recent piece of art, be thankful for its constant drive to turn out better art than before even when it sounds like a stubborn critic. It only means well. "Yes Chucky, the next image will be even better, just wait!"

Egos are simply abysmal communicators and often speak in violent ways that seem hardly constructive on the surface. But if we recognize this limitation and pay respect to the rough way in which the ego tries to point out a fault, we can really become a team with it and more easily discern what it wants to tell us. To get to that underlying (poorly-expressed) sentiment.

Instead of fighting that innate aspect of ourselves that wants to come out ahead - we have put it in its place and we cherish it for what it is, rather than to criticize it for what it isn't. In the human realm you and your ego are a team and there is no need to constantly try to get rid of it. It's there for a reason - embrace it. it just wants to be heard.

The more I address my ego in this way when it criticizes something, the more we "both" are getting used to working together. And as long as I remember that it's basically my pet trying to help me, there is no reason to get angry at its stories or its poor way of delivery. Just give it some conscious attention and it will be grateful.

Because from an ego-perspective, it always has a point to its tirade.

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More lifehacks for the Mind:
Part 1: "Permission Slips"
Part 2: "Handling Adversity & Multiplying Prosperity"
Part 3: "Mileage Over Results"

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