God Shows Me Why I Can't be More Present With Him
It is our soul/body that turns away from what, or who, it truly seeks -- God, the perfect father, who wants to shower us with pure, unconditional love and blessings, but also respects our free will to be apart from Him
God/Jesus/the Holy Spirit are open and wholly loving. Neither God, Jesus nor the Holy Spirit ever have ulterior motives --- they always want the best for us! This is how God wants us to be with others and ourselves too, even though it is much harder for us. With us, there is always some level of hiding, whether it is hiding our vulnerability, faults or perhaps having a sort of social pretence such as asking how someone is but not really caring for the answer or using humour to hide from uncomfortable feelings.
In my case, I was wondering why I was finding it difficult to sit still and do nothing, to be really present with God's love whenever I felt the need. I asked God to give me revelation into a kind of avoidance I was aware of and what I was hiding from which was harder to face --- something in me that DIDN'T actually want to be in a relationship with God.. almost as if she was forced to be.
God instantly showed me how it all stemmed from a spirit of rebellion I let in (in my teens) which in turn came from deeper unresolved pain/trauma.
As a child, due to painful circumstances I'd experienced and couldn't resolve, I started ignoring God's voice more and more ... staying open hearted with people who didn't get me just hurt every time so I ended up shutting down consciously hearing God's voice until I finally even started disbelieving His existence and love for me. Religion was about doing the right things and being good, rather than showing me a possibility of being IN relationship with God -- so it was no help to me.
God showed me how now, I still couldn't fully trust that He was entirely good because somehow, in my soul, I still held Him responsible for the hurt caused by people who weren't led by Him.
This is where I properly start to accept responsibility. Repentence and forgiveness comes in --
- Repentence for believing a lie about God
- Forgiving myself for still falling for the lie about God
- Forgiving others who couldn't allow themselves to hear God or be led by Him ... just like me.
All content on this account is my own unless otherwise credited.
Listening to Keith Green's "When the Praises Start"
great post to share..big thanks:)
Thank you for reading!
Lovely post indeed, our father expects us to realize our faults and to repent from them.
He will continue to speak, and you shall hear him more clearer!
Amen.
Thank you and indeed, I do hope we all become more conscious of His direction.