What I Learnt From Working in the Sex Industry

Waaaaay back in my early 20’s (yes I am older than I look!) I worked in the sex industry.

And yes my Christian parents knew about it (and didn’t kick me out of the house).

And no, I wasn’t the “receptionist”.

While I would like to keep you guessing on what I actually got paid to do in this provocative role, I will cut to the chase so my mother’s friends don’t think I was a hooker.

I worked as a make-up artist in a high class escort agency. I would show up at 6pm at the office and doll the girls up before they went out to fuck the rich and famous. I am talking $1000 an hour type of call girls who all had to have red lips and nails, Chanel suits and be manicured from head to two oozing not just sex appeal but luxury.

These girls were the Ferraris, Jaguars, Bentley's and Maserati’s of the sex industry.

And they loved their jobs.

As a 21 year old I was a fish out of water having come from a good Christian home and never really been exposed to anything like it (besides my slutty Catholic school), but there was the part of me that was fascinated with the psychology of it all. While people I told were shocked about my work, it was very innocent to me and no different to making up a model or an actor.

They were some of the most interesting women I have ever met (to this day).

As I made them up each night they would share their life with me, show me pictures of their kids, talk about their medicine or law degrees, their family or sometimes the crazy stories of a famous celebrity.

This was definitely an interesting time in my life and I will share with you three of the most important lessons I learnt from the sex industry (besides the fact that wives should not give up BJ’s – the number one thing married men go to hookers for! Oh and fire and ice - look that one up!)

1. Own what you love to do even if the whole world is judging you

While some people are quick to assume sex workers are victims, there are many women who love what they do. For real. Not all are in hiding about their work and the women who inspired me were the ones who were out and proud and unapologetic about who they were and what they loved to do. They made money (a shit load of money) out of their passion and didn’t care what people perceived their job to be like.

They saw the service in their job and were unapologetic about loving sex. They knew they were an important part of society despite many women putting blame on them for their husbands indulgence.

Here is the real deal – when you go against the grain and put yourself out there you will be judged. When you do work that doesn’t fit the box of corporate (kill me now - this is worse than selling your body) life and actually do what you love, I can 100% guarantee that people will talk negatively about you. You’re closest friends and family will judge you and form ideas about what you are doing based on their own perception and projections.

I was heavily and painfully judged by one of my closest friends when I started out as a health and fitness blogger. She tore me apart behind my back (mostly because my blog blew up very quickly). I was judged more than if I was a sex worker because God forbid I put put a photo of myself in a Bikini on Facebook and I was giving fitness advice when I had only just started my certifications (but had been training for 10 years). It took me awhile to get over this and it still comes up from time to time. I wanted to hide after I found this out but I had to make peace with it so I can get on with serving people that need my help! If I can get over a best friend judging me then I know I can handle any other negative attention that comes my way.

We mostly notice the judgement from others when we are in complete judgement about ourselves. If I take an honest look at that time, I was also thinking "who am I to me teaching this". My friend only reflected back to me what I was actually thinking about myself.

If you can look at what you do with love and compassion and not form any identity around what society (church, family, work, friends) tells you is acceptable then how do you ACTUALLY feel about your work? What is your why behind what you do. Go even deeper than the insecurities that you may have. If you love what you do own it!

If you want to live a life that far exceeds your wildest dreams you need to be comfortable with judgement from others. You also need to completely dissolve the judgement you have towards yourself and this comes back to loving yourself and the why behind what you do!

2. The only difference between a $1000 an hour hooker and a $100 street hooker is how she sees herself.

Her self worth is what make up the extra zeros. The same goes for where you are compared to your boss, your mentors or your so called competition.

I recently had this realisation comparing myself to a coach who was doing exceptionally well and had a million dollar business. Having taken her courses and watched all her content I had a deep knowing the difference between me and her were the zeros in our bank accounts (oh and the amount of times she actually puts herself out there) and that is a direct relation to how I was viewing myself. As incredible as she is, so am I. As wise as she is, so am I. As magnetic as she is, so am I.

A $1000 an hour escort takes pride in her work, she takes pride in looking after her body and mind, she knows she is intelligent and worthy of her price tag. She sees high value in her service because she is exchanging a part of herself and knows how valuable she is. She see's herself as a Queen!

Own your worth and upgrade every area of your life.

3. The deepest gift you can give someone is your presence, vulnerability and your open heart.

You may be surprised to hear this but all the girls would say that their clients were more interest in talking then they were in sex. Now this may be more applicable to high class escort services rather than a brothel worker or street hooker, but they said the sex was a very small part of their job.

At the end of the day everyone is looking for connection and intimacy and are searching for this in various places to fill the lack of it in their lives. Sex is one of the most common vices for people lacking connection and intimacy in their lives.

When people fall in love it’s really their heart opening to source energy that they are feeling, not necessarily the other person. The other person may ignite the feeling of source, but they are not the actual source. When someone is triggered to close their heart because of fear, rejection and conditioning, they lose the connection to source so they look for it with other people who can ignite that feeling of connection to life.

No matter what is going on in your life make it a priority to be present and connected to other people and yourself with an open heart. Even if you are going through a tough time in your relationships, don’t shut your heart down, be willing to stay in the pain until you get to the other side and back to a place of love within yourself.

We often avoid talking about our feelings and suppress because we are so bitter and angry from festered emotions that we don’t know how to even get across our feelings, or we think other people won’t understand or accept our thoughts, but this is impossible if you come from your heart. If you don’t know how to connect to your partner start by saying you want to share your heart and express how you don’t know where to start! (I did this recently with my friend and it opened up to a beautiful heart felt conversation).

Being vulnerable with how you feel is the heart speaking and this allows the other person to melt into your vulnerability and heart.

If you can come from a place of vulnerability and transparency and express from their heart at all times then you will experience men in a much different way. AND if you still aren’t getting what you desire from your partner, you will at least see your own truth clearer and make whatever decisions necessary to get back into alignment with your own truth and heart.

Not only do most men want to support you in your heart, men want to be heard and seen just as much as women do and they often look for these services outside of their relationship if they aren’t being seen (hence why some choose to go see call girls).

If you can take responsibility for your own energy and make it a priority it connect into a state of presence and open heart you will give less reason for your man to wander.

Please note this is only my sharing of a few points that have stayed with me and been helpful reminders to me. The topic of sex workers, men, cheating (on both sides) love, marriage, etc is a very deep conversation with many different views stories and truths! Take these points as something to think about without judging the multiple sides to this discussion. I am happy to hear your comments if you have your opinions!