Beyond Bitterness: 7 Things I Still Appreciate From My Journey Through Christianity
When you dedicate your life and the majority of your mental and emotional energy to something and then you come to a place where that thing no longer rings true, it can leave you with some bitterness, I know
There are many, many people who walk the path of Christianity, of whatever flavour, and come out the other side hurt or abused or just disillusioned. This inevitably comes from dealings with people. Sure, there are theological hurdles to get over, more or less, but the majority (I would say) of the bitterness comes from interactions with other Christians over the years.
“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
― Mohandas Gandhi
It’s easy to be bitter.
It’s not very enjoyable, and trust me I’ve a lot of bitterness to deal with, but it’s easy. What’s less easy is to look back at your time as a Christian (or whatever religion you’ve come out of, really) and pick through the bones to see if you can find some meat to hold onto. There are plenty of negative things you can focus on, many are legitimately horrible and unwanted, but at least for me, there are a few things that I appreciate from my time in the Church. My background is in Non-Denominational / Evangelical when I was part of the ‘Worship Team’ for years, through to “Emergent” and “Progressive” then, surprisingly, to Eastern Orthodox (though I never formally joined).
There’s a saying that you mustn't “throw the baby out with the bathwater” and that’s what this post is all about.
These are some of the things I keep coming back to appreciate.
Meditation, Prayer and Contemplation
This came directly from my interest in Eastern Orthodoxy. Reading the literature, I was exposed to a different way of thinking about Christianity that was very challenging but seemed to make a lot of sense at the time. It brought a lot of peace. The practice of meditation has been proven to bring benefits to the person, despite their religion. For a period of time, I had spent about one hour per day in meditation and prayer, alone, in front of a private altar (see below: Sacred Space). This had a calming effect on me, for I came to see prayer as being something for us, not as petitioning God for something. Repetitive mantras like the “Jesus Prayer” using a prayer rope helped to focus the straying mind while reminding me to be humble.
Light Asceticism and Mysticism
I’m not a fan of severe asceticism for myself (though I see the benefits if that’s what a person wants to do) but fasting also has its benefits, plus it can act as a time of reflection on and solidarity with those who have little in the world.
Mysticism is a tricky one. I feel less and less drawn to mysticism and more to rationalism, but I can still appreciate mysticism in that personal experience can be much more impactful than simple intellectual assent. Sit quietly on the bank of a river on a misty morning and quiet yourself, you may gain some insight seemingly out of nowhere when your mind slows down.
Nonattachment to Worldly Gain & Wealth
The reminder that the rat race is not the most important thing, to be happy and content with what you have, and to remember that so many other people are happy on much less than you have. I value my time and my relationships so much, but sometimes I need a reminder that all of this is temporary and that I don't want to spend so much of my emotional and mental energy accumulating unnecessary things for their own sake.
Compassion, Empathy and Thinking of Others
Prayer for others during my times on an evening led me to a high level of compassion and empathy (which I think I’ve all but lost in my bitterness and lack of practice). Empathy is “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another” and I truly believe that if we could practice more empathy the world would be a much better place.
Tithing / Charity
The practice of giving at least 10% of your income to either your community or some type of charity. I appreciate this now because we still make room for a portion (not 10% ;) ) of our income to charitable causes that we support. We have, and many have not, and we can afford to spare some to help others. That may be directly to an individual in order to help them out this month, or consistent giving through an organisation that does the actual work.
Saced Space
When you intentionally set aside an area, or a thing, for a special purpose, you are making a sacred space or object. Now, I don’t think I believe anything actually changes in the matter that makes up the space or object, but our intention changes the way our minds interact with that space or object. For example, this type of incense is only for prayer. You reinforce that smell in your mind with “prayer”, and if you reach a meditative state during that time, you can more easily reach that state using your sense of smell the next time. This can be seen in a more mundane way — no cell phones at the dinner table. That dinner table is set aside for a particular purpose and atmosphere, and while we wouldn’t really call it ‘sacred’, it sets an intention for what happens at the table.
Taking Relationships Seriously, Especially Marriage
It’s possible to take relationships far TOO seriously, and I saw that as a teenager. Promise rings, “true love waits” and the fear that your hormones will get the best of you should you ever be in a room alone with a boy or a girl. But, the emphasis on building and maintaining meaningful, trusting relationships is something that I still appreciate. My wife and I celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary in a few days, but we’ve been together 12 years.
There are many things we can appreciate from all the world's religions
What about you?
Sometime's its easier to be bitter because of our experiences, but what might you find if you put that aside and try to focus on the positives? Will you find that it was all just a complete waste of time? OR might you find something worthwhile?
nice piece. has a real dose of soul in it.
real. genuine. authentic.