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RE: Income/Outcome (100 Days Of Poetry Day #65)

in #spirituality7 years ago

I love the play on words here and the analogy of the flow of energy found within life to a currency. My favorite lines were

“Perpetual flow
That’s why it’s called currency”

Pure genius and so delightful.

I only have a couple of suggestions that I feel will add to the flow and impact.

I would not put a question mark after “The outcome is income” That allows the phrase ‘How come” to stand out even more and emphasize the idea of mystery or inquiry.

I would move “Where from?” to just before the line “Step into the know’ to add structure, repetition, and transition. It also emphasizes your ingenious analogy. Maybe even make a new stanza though that might interfere with the flow.

Or you could just leave it where it is and make it “wherefrom” without a question mark. I’m not sure I just know that the current position with the question mark feels wrong somehow and seems to interrupt the flow without a valid reason.

Lastly, I would change the line, “In it comes” to in-comes, because it continues the analogy and keeps it flowing.

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Thank you for the feedback :)

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