Confessions of a Reiki Master Who Decided One Day to Stop Feeling Everything: (How Do We Close Ourselves Enough For Self-Care & Still Remain Caring)

All of life is made up of energy. Life Force Energy (Rei Ki/Chi) is all around us. We can't escape its grip. Some of us feel it more than others. For some, it's something that evades us, something imaginary, something you've only heard about and are not sure you believe. Others feel it only when they fall in love. Two auras intertwine and suddenly an energetic enigma pops into reality and you become aware. For those of us blessed to be intuitives, we feel it all the time. For some, we can't escape.

I remember sitting at my desk at work, trying to finish up a report, when suddenly the feeling of tragedy came over me. I knew something had happened, but I didn't know what. A few minutes later my co-workers read about the Boston bombing. Or there were times when a relationship didn't work out, when I was trying to take my mind off someone, but I couldn't escape their energy connecting to me. Was this what connecting to energy was supposed to be?

Reiki can be healing. I remember at the first level how impressed I was to be able to feel where someone was experiencing pain - and to be able at times to help alleviate it. I was able to help my grandmother feel better when her kidneys were failing on her deathbed.

With level two I became even more aware, at times identifying pain in other geographic places. One of the hardest things about being attuned to Reiki is understanding what is and what isn't within our ability to make a difference. We can't take on the energies of the world and expect to heal them. But maybe we can do a small part.

And that's where difficulty came in with Master level. I began experiencing the energies of the world. For a while, I believed that if God was sending me the insights and intuition, there was something He wanted me to do about it. Reiki for me was always about connection to God, always a surrender to my Higher Power to simply work through me for whatever is the greater good. But how do we set boundaries when we're experiencing so much? At times it felt like I was being thrown around every direction by whatever energies came my way. The world is tough to take on right now, and maybe it always has been.

I've had to learn to close my chakras down at times. It went against everything I believed. I just knew I was supposed to live my life with my heart wide open. I was supposed to care about everything, right?

We can care without absorbing energies. It's a balance I work on everyday. I now start my days, not by opening my chakras up to receive everything, but by closing them and envisioning protection for myself. Maybe it's just where I am in my journey. Maybe it will change with time. But for me, I've decided that right now it's healthy to set limits on what I absorb.

I start my day now, not with opening myself to Reiki. I start now with surrender to God. The world isn't mine to take on. So I lay it in God's hands now.

My challenge is to close myself enough to not be overrun with energies, while remaining soft enough to love people and not become hard. This is a balance I'm striving to achieve. It's pushing me to be more mindful about myself, better gauge how I'm feeling, what I'm experiencing, what I need, how I can practice self- and other-care. I'm getting back to some basics about how to live mindfully and in surrender - some things I've needed to get back to for a long time.

I'd love to hear from others about how you navigate this balance. I'm letting go of Reiki right now and focusing more on grounding. Anyone else with a similar experience?