The topic of control versus no control comes up on the spiritual path from time to time. Some people try to control their spiritual progress with all kinds of experiences and techniques. Others take on this idea of not being able to do anything--the idea of having no control in life.

The truth is, as usual, in between these two.

Control Versus No Control

Being in control or out of control is a false choice. However, it's one that people often decide they have to make. This is particularly true on the spiritual path because people associate surrender as a kind of giving up and passivity/no control. So there's this idea that to be spiritual that you have no control and can't do anything. Instead, you kinda hope that things turn out for the best while doing nothing.

On the other side, some people try to force themselves and others into acting certain ways to achieve their spiritual goals--whatever those may be. So tools and spiritual teachers are all just a means to an ends, and the ego presumes to know what that those ends/goals are and how to get them.

Both choosing to be controlling or not are still very attached states. People still want what they want, and they will continue to suffer as life continues to do what life continues to do. In some instances, people create more suffering through control or giving up their abilities to take action.

Finding the Middle Path

But there's a lot of room in between control and no control, and it's better to look at engaging with society, children, parents, work, friends, lovers, etc. through the view of guidance.

Firstly, guiding things requires us to let go of an outcome/goal. We also have to acknowledge that life is fluid and vast. Guidance makes room for the possibility of different outcomes, but the person stays engaged with whatever situation they are in. In staying engaged, the person can change and be flexible in how and if they act, and by no means are they a doormat.

In this way, we see that surrender allows us a wide variety of actions that go far beyond whatever ways we're used to through controlling things or through the giving-up attitude of having no control. And certainly, we aren't just spinning out of control.

As a last thought, you can think of guidance like paddling a boat. You don't control the river, but if you don't engage and guide your boat, you may end up stuck in bushes, hitting rocks, or capsizing. By surrendering to the river, you can then take meaningful action, and in this way, you find your way through life in between the extremes of control and no control.

Here are some more posts to help you.

Inaction and Nonaction on the Spiritual Path

How to Go Spiritually Deeper

Unobstructed Spiritual Growth and the Loss of the Idea of Progress