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RE: My boyfriend doesn’t think I am that beautiful and it makes me angry and jealous. How can I ease my feelings?
I understand the reason for focusing on the letter writer's personal reaction to this. The only thing she can control is her reaction and how it affects her. You gave really good advice in this regard.
But can we also mention that the boyfriend is an asshole? When someone says they are "extremely honest" it's code for I'm just going to say whatever I feel like without regard for your feelings. I can't make a full judgment here of the situation based on one incident, but this sort of behavior shows a big red flag to me. The fact that he seems to not understand when she tells him how this has made her feel shows really low empathy on his part.
Well, yes and no.
Some people raise the flag of honesty and being straight forward to an extreme. Add to that a serious lack of emotional intelligence and you get an "asshole"y type of behavior.
Nevertheless, it's not her job to change her boyfriend. The trick is to change herself and then decide whether to stay or not. Cause it's easy to blame the insensitive boyfriend and leave him, but in the next relationship she would encounter the same issue and from this point to the thought "all men are assholes" it's a short distance.😕
Thanks for your comment 👍
I agree, I think it's important to not generalize and gain the confidence to not allow these sort of slights to bother you. Personally though in my past I have swung too far in this direction. I spent a long time with someone who I thought I wanted to be with and tolerated her behavior. But I spent so much time focused on my own reactions that I missed the fact that really she was just treating me terribly.
So I agree, learn to handle the underlying feelings of self-worth and jealousy. But once you've done that take a look at whether or not you want to accept this sort of behavior in the relationship either.
It also might be a cultural thing too. I noticed in one of your other posts that you're Israeli. My sister's husband (she moved from the US to Israel) is sometimes a little too blunt for her too :P
Exactly. Do you see now how the time you spent in that abusive (my word) relationship was inevitable?! To learn what? The important, life changing, lesson of self love! Once you had that A-ha moment you left. On the spot. Looking backwards now you are puzzled that you had not left much earlier. Isn't that true?
And so, it always go back to the question, which you, what world.
About Israel - no comment. I'm biased 😉
Abusive is the appropriate word. I definitely learned a lot from it. Wish I would have listened to my friends more, guess that will teach me to be young and stubborn!
Thanks for your post, glad to be following you now!