The Spam Haiku - in search of the genius who wrote it

in spam •  2 years ago

It's one of the greatest contributions to both English and Japanese literature. The author should be famous! So who is it?

I think this is the original version:

Spam Haiku

Blue can of steel
What promise do you hold?
Salt flesh so ripe

Can of metal, slick
Soft center, so cool, moistening
I yearn for your salt

Twist, pull the sharp lid
Jerks and cuts me deeply but
Spam, aah, my poultice

Silent, former pig
One communal awareness
Myriad pink bricks

Clad in metal, proud
No mere salt-curing for you
You are not bacon

And who dares mock Spam?
You? you? you are not worthy
Of one rich pink fleck

Like some spongy rock
A granite, my piece of Spam
In sunlight on my plate

Little slab of meat
In a wash of clear jelly
Now I heat the pan

Oh tin of pink meat
I ponder what you may be:
Snout or ear or feet?

In the cool morning
I fry up a slab of Spam
A dog barks next door

Pink tender morsel
Glistening with salty gel
What the hell is it?

Ears, snouts and innards
A homogenous mass
Pass another slice

Old man seeks doctor
"I eat Spam daily", he says.

Highly unnatural
The tortured shape of this "food"
A small pink coffin

Pink beefy temptress
I can no longer remain

Photo (and Spam Teriyaki recipe) courtesy of Hormel:

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