Join The Neo-Calvinist Club: Free Gospel Decoder Ring with Every Conversion!
Oh, ain't it pretty!
For three easy installments of abandoning your sense of critical reasoning, discarding rational and coherent thought for divine mystery, saying Phooey to sound biblical exegisis and sola Scriptura, you, too, can be a member of the cool Neo-Calvinist cult err I mean.. club!
So, you may be asking, "Why would I want to do THAT?".
Well, I'm glad you asked. Here is a list of exclusive benefits of the NeoCal order.
Be able to engage in hero worship of such famed reformed celebrities as John McArthur, R.C. Srpoul, John Piper, Charles Spurgeon (the Prince of Preachers. Need I say more), Steve Lawson and much much more. You can post pious sounding memes and quotes to your hearts content!
You get to speak very highly of God's sovereignty in election. Even proclaim to be a five point Calvinist but, at the end of the day, you don't have to let those inconvenient doctrines get in the way of you fellowshipping with your Arminian brothers. It's all the same Jesus afterall, right?
So, we know the Scriptures are great and all but you know, sometimes God needs a little help with providing understanding to the regular layperson. The Holy Spirit could use the assistance. Just open up one of our many confessions. Yeah, sure they may be writings of men but don't let that discourage you from treating them as if they were Canon. Hey, the Catholics have their Apocrypha. Why can't we have our piece of the extra biblical pie?
You get to join the ranks of sweet beard-bearing theological hipsters. Don't have a beard? That's fine. You could always order one from Amazon! We got you covered.
https://www.amazon.com/Beard-Mustache-Halloween-Costume-Accessory-Black-8/dp/B008MYY87W
We also accept a James White approved bowtie.
I know you're probably asking at this point, "Where do I sign up?!"
sovereigngrace
This post has been ranked within the top 25 most undervalued posts in the first half of Mar 29. We estimate that this post is undervalued by $3.47 as compared to a scenario in which every voter had an equal say.
See the full rankings and details in The Daily Tribune: Mar 29 - Part I. You can also read about some of our methodology, data analysis and technical details in our initial post.
If you are the author and would prefer not to receive these comments, simply reply "Stop" to this comment.
Lol! Where do I sign up?
Repent of ALL your sins and we'll talk. I need to be sure your conversion is authentic. Accidentally hit your thumb with a hammer during a carpentry project. I better not hear one peep unless it's a "Hallelujah!". Remember, the law of God is spiritual. You can't even think about making one exasperated exclamation.
haha. Uh-oh, you mentioned White's name. He might now mention yours.