really I'm being hopeless day by day

really I'm being hopeless day by day. I cant resist this pain nomore , I can't do any mistakes regarding my life though I havve to fulfill my mother's wishes and expectations which she didnt got fulfilled by my elder sister. but im dying inside, this pain is killing me. I can'tdie even I can't think of it neither I can take a big decisions related to my life. every single time I think of doing anything her (my mother's) cmface come infront of my eyes. I don't want to repeat the same mistake done by my elder sister who eloped whith someone . even though she is getting full support from my mom she accepeted her but if it was me I wouldn't have been accepted so easily, I really don't have any idea why im comparing myself with her. may bw just because she want me do do what she says everytime , I just hate her suggestions. I cant force anyone to tallk to me who is being angryo with me for no genuine reason, I cant even resist that anger from one of the family member of my own family . I'm really clueless what im saying/writing im frustrated too much that I wrote alot of things but I couldnot mention the main reason behind