Social Media Overload

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I reached the apex. Actually, I thought I would reach it a lot earlier. I’m done with ”main stream” social medias. My internet alter ego is done being phony social, and I just kind of want to vanish, or at least cloak behind nick or other barrier. I’m aware that I still need to belong on some social media platforms. But belonging feels almost like a curse nowadays. I would leave them all behind me more than happily, but unfortunately there is still some people in my life that feels like you do not exist if you aren’t in facebook. Well, too bad, as I don’t exist anymore.

Why don’t I want to exist anymore?

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Every now and then I have had this weird anxiety that I don’t want to exist anymore. And no, I’m not being suicidal over here so no need to cheer yet! The feeling comes and goes, it has been doing that quite some time. Now it feels like the feeling is here to stay. It is hard to explain the feeling really, but I guess the most closest description would be overload. I’m done. Done with instagram, facebook, twitter (which I never even use!) done, done, done. I don’t wanna exist anymore these hypocrite so called social medias where people are social just with their selves.

Sounds a little extreme? Maybe it is. But it also is something I felt like I need to do. Main stream social media platforms, and now I’m mostly talking about instagram, facebook and twitter are extremely phony for me. People are showing off their phony lives and living for the next like or thumps up. Everything have become this game where people tries to make their social network jealous. There is nothing to do with authenticity anymore.

Let’s have an example shall we. I had 264 so called friends on facebook. Not even that much, considering some people have thousands and thousands. Okay. 264. I made a little social experiment with my ”friends”. Past 2months I’ve been absent from all the other social media platforms except Steemit. Only one irl based friend contacted me this time. One single human being felt need to contact me through these platforms. This only prove my point, I don’t miss out anything if I stop belonging. This isn’t just random tantrum, thought I know I’m master of them.

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Social cohesion

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I’m some what mixed up introvert/extrovert. I don’t think it really even matter, every human need some kind of feeling of cohesion. Some needs it more, some get along a lot less. We all know those people who can’t be alone, ever. People who are always in relationship, who have enormous social network, people who can’t go even to the toilet door closed! For my point of view these people are emotional addicts. They live for feeling of belonging, like if there is no crowd to belong in they lose their meaning as a human beings.

I’m not trying to deny it. I also need my cohesion, the different for me is that I get along with a lot less than some people near me. I’m not shy, and every now and then I like to be on display. But that need is easily full filled. Social situations are tiring me extremely easily. Especially when I’m dealing with these emotional drunks. I joke a lot that I don’t need real humans in my life, interned humans are enough for me. When I get exhausted, I can just log off, or simply shut the computer. Unfortunately I don’t have that luxury in real life.

You may consider me as rude, and I know that I am, a little at least, but my brains just shut down a little when talking with people whom are talking, lips moving and voice coming out but there is nothing there. No content what so ever. Or the content is irrelevant or redundant. I’m not even sorry. Come up something worth using voice and hearing, then we talk.

Am I a Hypocrite?

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I like pretty pictures, I used to share my works a lot via social media platforms. What a heck, I’m still doing it in here! Of course my life isn’t all gold and glint, nobody has that. When I make food post it isn’t food I’m eating every day, of course not. It is something I wanted to show, something special. If I started to post every meal I eat you would be terrified, I might be baker and a cook, but I mostly live by drinking disturbing amounts of coffee and I also consider coffee+protein powder mix as a meal. Nomnom!

So also I post stuff to internet to show off, don’t I? I wasn’t trying to deny it, for gods sake, I’m blogging of course it try to present something extraordinary. But steemit differs from other social platforms. In steemit you have voice and propose. Let’s compere style of posting between instagram and steemit shall we. First of all, in instagram we have a lot rules what you can and can’t post. The money in main stream platforms is invisible. Some don’t event think about it. But there is money involved, a lot of it. Different is that in steemit you can get rewarded from your content. Other platforms there is someone bigger rolling the cash. Not enough reason yet?

I used to like posting content on other platforms too. But the reason for me was mainly that I used then as a stock. My instagram used to be my cv. My portfolio. I don’t deny that I also love when I’m better at something than others. Lol, I enjoy of professional admiration, but for me it depends from whom the admiration is coming from. If my friend kudos me it doesn’t do much for me. But if someone whom I consider superior to me compliments me that is an ego boost. That is reason why I feel traditional social media platforms are not for me. There is no audience for me. And there is not too much people I consider superior. I don’t admire people easily.

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Beyond recognizing

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Some people from my close network are hard core social media users. All day everyday posting seemingly everything. Seemingly.
I know them, but when I’m looking any of their social media accounts they couldn’t be far from truth. I hate this part of social media. It is just natural if you ham it up a little, but being whole another person in social media is too much for me to handle. I would understand if we would be talking about famous people with thousands of online followers but no. We are talking about normal human beings, whose followers are more than less their irl and online friends. Who know you in real life.

Why the fuck are we using such huge amounts of time faking things for people whose know us, and knows we are faking it. There is no logical reasoning with that. Or if there is I’m not seeing deduction chain.

Conclusion?

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Am I feeling that I’m missing out of something? -No.
Should I ? -I don’t think so.
I have no use for empty admiration, I don’t miss all the faking. Internet is full of fake, if I start to miss it, I know where to look.

I ended up deleting pretty much everything else than steemit. Is it good or bad, don’t really know yet. But at least I can always sign in to plastic world if I start to feel like it.
By the way, I find it extremely funny that I find my inner flow for writing every time I’m cranky bitch. This have become some what a habit already. So every time you see awfully long post of writing from me you know that I’m probably pulling some hairs off my head and cursing like a sailor. Not like I’m ever having any kind of tantrums….