Away to Get Back

“Just stay on the path!” Lorena bickered in her sister Kaila’s ear. “I’ve never been to these woods before, I have no idea where I’m going.” Kaila rolled her eyes to herself, walking ahead of Lorena. Lorena stomped through the fallen branches and dried leaves, the driest of the last 100 years. Just one spark from a flame would set the whole forest alight. It’s been so hot they’ve forbidden anyone to grill in the entire country. Those Germans do have a way about them...

The recent days have had Kaila’s head spinning, circling the same ruminations day and night. A pending international litigation that seems to have no end in sight yet has no jurisdiction to have even begun drags on. “That’s the funny thing about the law. Things can be so black and white, and yet if they remained that way lawyers would be out of work. We pay them to prove the gray matters when most of the time it’s written right there on the page. At least in my case it is.” Kaila thought to herself.

The path ahead continued to look less like a path and more like a forest destroyed. Dead trees and trunks laid scattered on the forest floor. Branches, twigs, sticks, leaves and stumps blocked every direction where once a clearly defined path existed. “Come on Lorena, I think if we just turn this corner up here we’ll get back on the path we were on before.” Lorena rebutted, “I don’t see any sign of this path improving Kaila. I think at this point it’s safe to say we’re lost. We should just go back the way we came.” Kaila took control of the stroller and pushed the sleeping baby over exposed surface roots, crinkling over the dried brown leaves as she marched on in her righteousness. It would be impossible she had navigated so falsely... she’d walked these woods many times before. In fact, she had just walked the same route yesterday.

As the two sisters and Kaila’s sleeping daughter Luna approached huge tire tracks, Kaila began to think they may indeed be at a point of no return. “Go run up ahead and see if there’s a path between those two trees. It looks like it clears up a bit.” Kaila commanded. Lorena followed the command without hesitation. She’d been accustomed to the bossiness of her older sister since they she was born. Lorena didn’t even blink an eye but did as she was told. She ran up ahead and quickly turned back towards Kaila and Luna. Kaila motioned both thumbs up and down hoping to catch Lorena’s attention, but her gaze remained fixated at the ground below.

Lorena approached, a bit out of breath, sighing “There is definitely NOT a path up there. Let’s go back the other way past the field where we came in.” The coolness of the woods was fading fast as the sun continued to rise in the east, rays creeping in minute by minute to penetrate the canopy cracks. “Okay, lets go back the way we came.” Kaila said softly, hating the fact that Lorena had been right all along. Lorena chimed, “Let’s take the car seat off the stroller and carry the pieces separately so it’s not so hard to go over all these damn roots and sticks and stuff. I’ll carry the stroller since it’s heavier.” Kaila smiled. Lorena, for as strong and harsh as she had been at times had completely softened upon her arrival back home and the arrival of her niece Luna. Something about Baby Luna helped heal the family of the stupid, petty arguments that once plagued the day to day.

The two girls carried the baby and the stroller out of the woods until they were back on the path that ran parallel to the field. Retracing their steps, Kaila felt incredibly stupid for having missed all the signs they were heading in the wrong direction. For example, the fact that the path they followed was not a path at all, but tractor tire tracks from the most recent plowing. Typical. Whenever Kaila was in her head, she always seemed to mix up the easiest of tasks among other symptoms of anxiety. Constantly ruminating over this court case had caused her so many sleepless nights. Her Fitbit tracker reminding her every morning she’d never fallen asleep before 2300 and rarely achieved her goal of 8 hours a night. Five and a half or six hours was her weekly average.

Lorena’s psychological radar has always been timely. As Kaila continued to dwell on the recent happenings in court, Lorena asked, “so what’s your prediction for all this legal shit with Donor?” Kaila paused at the question and laughed silently. It was as if Lorena had been in her mind the whole time. Step by step Kaila had walked further and further into the woods, losing track of where they were, tuning out everything else but the court case.

“Funny you should ask. I was just thinking about that. After getting so far off track though, I realize how much this stupid case distracts me. I don’t know why I let it get to me. I’m usually so zen when I come out here. I walk the path, I think my thoughts... I pray, I breathe, I look into Luna’s eyes and I smile because I know the universe will take care of us. I look around at where I live and I feel safe. I’m home. I don’t know why I let him get to me. Maybe it’s guilt. Maybe it’s sadness. Maybe it’s everytbig tied up in this whole thing. Whatever happens, I ask the universe every day to send me and Luna what’s in our best interest. To keep us in alignment with our highest good and the path that’s meant for us. Whether that includes him or not is not my choice really. I can’t control what the law will decide. I just pray that if he enters into our sacred space, he comes with love in his heart for the baby. I don’t care about me and him anymore. I only care that she is loved, nurtured, and surrounded by people who support her.”

As the words flew off of Kaila’s lips, the warmth of the breeze, the sun peeking through the trees and the soft blinks of her baby’s waking eyes brought her straight from her head to her heart. Staying ever present was the task at hand every day. Some days required more effort than others, but something so simple as the smile on her daughter’s face made her realize that sometimes you have to get away to get back.