It was the future, and everyone was fat.
I was walking around London naked. My uncreased dolphin like penis hanging low.
"Oh did you use an iron on that dearie!?" some old women joked.
Anyway, everyone was fat, and therefore full of cholesterol and salty as fuck. Mayor Sadiq Khan appeared out of nowhere and said I was body shaming people by being my unphotoshopped self.
Thankfully a group of neo nazi thugs came to my rescue and threw Sadiq Khan into the river Westminster with the aid of a balloon apparatus.
I partied all night with the cool neo nazi thugs, who had awesome tattoos and loved to smash things up. Eventually the party was cancelled because of PC thugs who hated all things white (denying good criminals like me, my minority status). I had to get out. I had to escape. The smell of all that fat rolling together in "us versus them" trite made me want to vomit. I burnt down a temple of obesity on my way home, hoping that as the Golden Arches melted, so would the fat future.
Irish Writer, Poet, & Lover