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What IS The Story, Mory?

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Shoe Analysis Preface

The very interesting blue and yellow shoe shown above was discovered recently by the ever-exploratory, ace photographer and commentary specialist @ocrdu, in an unknown area of the Netherlands. [Post-Shoe Shots No.19]. Though I do not know in WHAT area of the city or country the blue shoe was found, it appears to be in a city-scape of one form or another.

Undaunted, we shall continue on with some heady shoe-find analysis here, without the ALL-important background information. After all, what is Deep Science, without a bit of far-ranging speculation? As some scientists have said somewhere in the past: "Always move forward, even in the face of factual disparagy."

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For Every Shoe, There Is A Reason

I believe I heard somewhere that the budget for the Netherlands City Park And Wide-Open Spaces Department (N.C.P.&W.O.S.D.) had been drastically reduced for some reason or another. Something to do with boats. Or windmills? I cannot remember. You would have to ask @ocrdu about such pesky details. But it all makes total sense to this author. Because this particular shoe hanging out in public is obviously an end result of these fiscal financial difficulties.

Read on.

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Five Scenarios To Explain The Blue and Yellow Shoe

Scenario No. 1

The Budget-Driven, Padded Monkey-Bar Design Spec

When money for Parks is short, bad things happen in the Park. Such as children or rambunctious adults bonking their head on the very hard, iron and steel bars that make up the Monkey-Bars. And what is the root cause of all this multi-aged noggin knocking? A HUGE lack of adequate, affordable padding.

There's a saying in the outdoor gym-equipment industry, to the tune of: "as goes the budget, so goes the padding on the bars". And this is a FINE example. Look at that iron climbing pole above. It just SHOUTS a hanging, shinnying or running-under 'goose egg' in the loudest possible, Motherly voice.

The solution? More padding! And if you cannot afford the design-spec, foam covering engineered for 'the bars'? Use other soft, handy-found objects. Such as worn out, discarded running shoes.

The sport of running around as fast as you can, even though nothing is chasing you at the moment, is a VERY popular...sport. And because the earth's surface IS composed of hard-scrabble rocks, asphalt, dirt and things, there is a MASSIVE turnover of product in this recreational arena. Run around all over the place at full speed, and you soon wear out your shoes. Whereby you toss the old ones, drive to the local mall, buy a brand new, very expensive pair, and start the process all over again.

What better resource for cheap, don't hit-your-head-on-the-steel-bars padding, than old, discarded shoes. Just tie them up in all the appropriate, Monkey-Bar corners and climbing places, and let Mother Nature do the rest for your soft, dent-able head. Brilliant planning indeed.

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Scenario No. 2

The Low-Budget/Color Coordinated Parkland Flower Pot

People LOVE flowers. And flowers in pots in Parks are even better. They stay in one place, are easy to water, and you don’t' have to worry about dumb weeds getting up into the pot, mucking about with the pretty flowers.

Once again, the shoe industry is helping out the Parks in this scenario. How? The use of old, discarded running shoes as a planter. Super ingenious! The standard running shoe is designed to drain sweat from the foot, so the fabric naturally drains well when watering the flowers with a hose. And because of this excellent shoe porosity, root rot is never an issue with the flowers. Plus, this tie-on hanging system means the shoe planter spins easily with the prevailing winds. Think of a soft, spinning, very colorful wind chime. Without the chime. Another big plus.

Also, most running shoes are VERY colorful. Thus allowing for some highly dramatic and creative flower/pot mix and match, artistic design and negative-floral-space color-palette displays.

Added Safety Bonus

There is also a huge safety plus with this system. By design default, this reduces, once again, the age-old Park problem of walking around and under a bunch of heavy, hanging planters. Lets face it, ramming your head into a sweet, hanging Nike Pegasus-Elite II full of Begonias and dirt is a WHOLE lot better than klonking into the huge old standard, iron or stone pots hung everywhere on ancient, discarded boat chain. Safety first in the Parks, I always say. It just makes sense.

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Scenario No. 3

The Bird Breeding-Box Hanging Shoe

Birds love to make nests. And though I've never been there, the birds of Europe are probably no exception. It's highly possible that the Netherlands City Park And Wide-Open Spaces Department is hanging old running shoes as nesting platforms for various birds in the Park. Local birds such as the Banded Gos-Wren.

Once again, it just makes good sense. Running shoes have the perfect entryway for the adult birds, the tongue keeps out the rain and other nasty weather falling from above, and the toe-box is IDEAL for fledgling a group of the highly carnivorous young. I'm not actually sure whether or not they HAVE the Banded Gos-Wren in the Netherlands...and we don't actually have them here either. Nonetheless, this is a definite possibility as to how this shoe was placed in this particular spot in the Park. Tied onto the steel bar from above as a bird nesting 'box'. Wildlife Management is SUCH an amazing field of study.

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Scenario No. 4

The Standard, Mean Older Brother, Topsy-Turvy Shoe-Tie Prank

I had an older brother growing up. And from YEARS of painful experience and other anecdotal research, I'm fully convinced that ALL older brothers study from the same H.A.P. Manual Of Brotherly Interaction. (H.A.P.-Harassment, Aggravation and Pestering.) This very thick book has obviously been translated and must be available worldwide. Just ask any little brother. And I'm sure the Netherlands are no exception.

If I scrunch down my cranio visu-factors, I can just about visualize it now. Some poor little kid's older brother and his friends tied junior to the Monkey-Bars upside down, by his shoe laces. And left him to hang and scream and carry on as they stood by and laughed. As my Mother used to say, “It's all fine and dandy, until someone gets hurt ”. And this is no exception. I'm sure he just hung there, upside down like a bat, yelling and wiggling, all to the joy of his mean older brother and his friends Ed and Jeff.

Then, gravity being what it is, the youngster fell OUT of this one shoe, the added body weight then breaking the lace on the OTHER shoe as he went. With junior finally ending up headlong into a pile of small boy on the hard ground below. Thus leaving the single shoe he fell OUT of, tied to the bar above.

The shoe, of course, soon righted itself because of that gravity thing...and the little guy chased his brother and friends all the way home in his one, shoe-less stocking foot and other shoe. No doubt cursing his brother, the friends, and the small, sharp, pebbly rocks of the 'Standardized, N.C.P.&W.O.S.D - Walking Path Design', as he went.

The shoe is still hanging there today. Double-tied on the bar, as any TRULY caring older brother would no-doubt do. After all, even a prank on little brother needs a modicum of safety, when you're hanging him upside down by his shoes from a Monkey-Bar over the hard, green earth. (Either that, or a double knot is harder to escape from...)

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Scenario No. 5

The Most Likely Scenario

Budgetary-Driven Directional Location Signs

Signs. They're everywhere. And let's face it, during normal, flush financial years, all that wood, metal, stencils, paint, posts, buckets and brushes to create proper directional signs is VERY expensive. And in lean years--this is an even larger problem.

But running shoes are a billion dollar industry, with many many companies competing for customer attention. Which includes all the requisite advertising and loud shouting about, touting their brand of shoe as THE BEST. And what is plastered all over the outside of each company's shoe, in huge, easy-to-read, colorful letters? The brand-name letter.

I think someone in the N.C.P.&W.O.S.D. must have come up with a BRILLIANT plan here. Why not use all these old, discarded shoes as directional signs?! All you need to do is tie the appropriate shoe in place on a post, Monkey-Bar, tree branch, or any other horizontal structure, to show folks where they should go with the greatest of ease. And at a huge cost savings.

Want to point out which direction one should walk, when taking a hike? Be it North, South, East or West? Use the appropriate shoe! All you need to do is pick the correct brand name that corresponds to the proper cardinal direction letter you need, tie the shoe in place...and VWAAAHAAAH! Instant directional sign. The New Balance shoe above is no doubt pointing to something or other, to the North.

Plus, these shoe signs are weatherproof, squishy and safe for use in potential high-impact sporting areas (Ultimate Frisbee, football, rousing games of disc golf, etc), and can be moved at will. Say, if the magnetic poles ever shift from North to South, or some other UN-foreseen event of the natural world. Just re-tie the shoe to another object, as per nature's suggestion.

I've included an example guide below, that any Official Park Person can follow when making a simple, efficient shoe sign:

Handy Letter Guide For Directional Shoe Signage

DIRECTION // SHOE COMPANY
North------------New Balance
South------------Saucony
East--------------Edward Green Shoes (England)
West-------------Wilson

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In Full Review

I do believe we have covered all the likely scenarios for the shoe @ocrdu found in his area of study. Though I've presented some pretty compelling ideas above, I lean more toward either the big brother shoe tie, or the directional sign theory. They both make the most sense to this errant shoe specialist.

~ Finto ~

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Thanks for stopping in and viewing the latest edition of Shoe Shots. If you have any thoughts about finding shoes in public, what that incredible find might mean, Parkland budgetary woes and what THEY mean for cutting-edge innovation in Park design and daily function, or anything else this post reminds you of, please feel free to comment away in the spaces below. I'd love to hear from you.

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Please UPVOTE, COMMENT and FOLLOW if you enjoy my works.

And go to @ddschteinn -- There's a whole lot more...

_{Posted: 05/13/2018 @ 19:15}

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Excerpts From Late-Night Conversations With A Mechanical Cat

Fact Number 69

Ironic, at best...