Got no content to write about? NO PROBLEM!

First off, imagine this is GradeAunderA speaking! Now:
Here's how to write blockbuster posts with close to zero content:

1. Complain!
   Never underestimate the power of complaining. Find a popular post and write a response post where you complain about every single point! That will surely get the attention of whales, dolphins and minnows alike.
2. Show off you sexiness!
   Got something to show? Don't hide it! Show it! But also add some made up text about your life, how you like animals, to travel, all the arts or some other meaningless thing like that. This way we, the pedophi... voters, won't feel bad giving you that upvote! Moving on...
3. Repeat!
   Found a story that made it high? Repeat the story. Talk about the same thing how you understood it. Learn how to stylize and write in a friendly tone so you don't scare the children away. Chances are your post will start trending even better than the original post! Then you can light a cigar and relax, make a post about it too, what a douchbag you are! Everything goes!
4. Comment!
   Found a potentially hot post in its infancy which doesn't interest you at all? Post a comment how you agree and feel the same way. That way your chances of catching those occasional whalevotes increases exponentially!
5. Talk about Steemit changes and news!
   Found out about a new update for Steemit? Share it with the ocean. Everything that's official Steemit stuff gets my upvote. Maybe you are the dev, could have fooled me, you devious cunt you!
6. Feature others!
   Already got enough rep and SP, but still can't think of anything? Feature the stories of others! That way you will never have to concern about writing posts again. You'll get half the reward, but because of the influx of highly original minnowposts there's no end of supply!
7. Write about how you have nothing to write about!
   [silence]

Hope these points will help you get motivated to lift the quality of Steemit by saturating the ocean with hundreds if not thousands of your highly original posts with close to zero content!
Carry on Steemin' you!
If you liked this, upvote! Seriously. We need to support each other! #payitforward