When Sex determines your Self Definition

The context here is something I have noticed in my life as well as in many of my clients throughout the years: the internal balancing act between "sex as me" vs "me within sex". Let's explore this difference and the impact it has on one's self definition.

By self definition I mean how you experience who you are in your thoughts and emotions, your own body and sensations whilst having sex or masturbating. There is a big difference between "sex as me" and "me within sex" when it comes to the extent to which it affects the result of your self expression when you access your sexuality.

"Sex as Me"

Within the "sex as me" dimension, I have found my past programming (conditioning through school, social environments, family, media, advertising and society in general) to dominate how I defined myself when it came to sex. For example, reading articles in woman magazines about "sex do's and don'ts / "how make sure you have the perfect sexual partner" etc. Watching scenes in movies as a teenager on sexual encounters and how it's depicted. All in all - one can become so bombarded with other's opinions and experiences on sex - you, yourself don't realise how you have NO IDEA what's really involved in sexual expression when it comes to who you are, your relationship with your body, your committed relationship with yourself etc. Over time, you lose touch with SELF and become possessed and obsessed with what you've been exposed to when it comes to sex / sexuality through others.

We oftentimes perceive that sex is the main issue / problem we face. That the problem is sex in itself. Not realizing that the real core issue / problem in fact starts with SELF. As much as "sex education" is needed, for example - what is equally as important is self education in the sense of how your sexual encounters and experiences will reflect YOU, your relationship with yourself and your body. So many for example want to "have sex for the first time" to just "have sex". Not to, for example for the first time, with someone, and themselves, explore their expression in their bodies. Feel the sensations of the sexual expression experience within oneself and with another. The relationship with self and one's body within and during sex is totally missing. We believe we are separate from the relationships we create and the sexual endeavors we partake in. As though "relationships are what they are and sex is what it is". As though neither reflects anything of ourselves, our relationship with ourselves and our relationship with our bodies.

However - the grave mistake we make comes with misleading, no - deceiving ourselves into thinking who we are is not present / found in the relationships we mold and the sexual encounters we find ourselves in. This is, sadly, what happens with most who live "Sex as Me". We make ourselves about sex. We are driven by sex. Sex drives us - steers us into decisions / choices we make when it comes to relationships leading to sex (whether deliberately done or by serendipity). Essentially a collection of sexual conditions based on the past as a database in our own consciousness is making decisions on your awareness' behalf… not realizing the reach such a ignorance towards 'who I am within sex' can have on your life, and your future.

With me, for example - comparing decisions I made and the relationships / sexual experiences created in the past from "sex as me" vs "me within sex" has opened my eyes to the havoc it can wreak on one's self respect, integrity, trust. I was fortunate to have walked the path I did in my life - if I were to continue my life path in my past definition of my relationship to sex and so myself, my body and relationships in general: I do not know what would have become of me. Sadly - so many men and woman from a young age are so defined by sex, consumed by its energetic mesmerizing, hypnotic and fantastical desire that they make mistake after mistake when it comes to relationships and sex, leading them down a road and into a life of no return that many few make out live in the sense of regaining any inch of self preservation when it comes to who they really are. But end up becoming so lost in the world of sex and relationships - they forgotten the potential of who they could become and the life they could create for themselves if their mental and physical energy was more channeled into themselves, their life, their future.

In and from this post, we're going to start with the first dimension "Sex AS Me"- where sex comes first in the relationship with yourself, your body and others. I erroneously believed I was attracted to / infatuated with an individual - only to realize it was mostly governed by my experience of the desire for sex. The want of it that was originating from my past programming / conditioning / influence in my life. In the next post I will be walking through some examples of the consequence I have walked through in my life by unconsciously allowing sex to dictate who I am, how I dress and behave, the relationship choices I made and the sexual experiences I endured. The impact it had on me and if not for an individual who supported me in my life - I would have had a troublesome life. So, I am here to share my story and life wisdom - in the hopes of preventing any young individuals / adults even to this day - to unnecessarily make the same mistakes with this ever so subtle difference between Sex as Me vs Me as Sex.

See y'all in the next post

Me