HOW TO WIN A SEXICAN STANDOFF
You may be asking yourself WHAT is a “Sexican Standoff?” And if that is in fact the case, then count yourself lucky my friend, because things in your life have either gone well enough to have avoided it… or poorly enough that you never even got close.
To understand the term, you must first understand the root word. This underused phrase (yet ashamedly all too common situation) is based on the phrase, “The Mexican Standoff.” For some unknown reason, this is attributed to SOMEONE of Australian origin, and describes a stalemate type situation where in both sides in a conflict have equal leverage on the other, and thus zero actual advantage. Why Mexicans were brought into it, is anybody’s guess, but I suppose that even Australians must be racist against someone other than than the indigenous people of their island continent.
So, by a simple play on words, we arrive at the “Sexican Standoff,” wherein two men (or women, #metoo #2018) find themselves as the last two suitors, vying for a specific prize (a woman), having outlasted all other comers, and yet unable to get the other to leave, thereby giving them direct access to the female and the promise of carnal delights (read: booty, the beast with two backs, or fornication). Basically two guys who refuse to leave a party because both believe they are they one that the woman wants to sleep with, and if they can just stay longer than the other guy, will surely get to have sex.
The problem is that there are only a couple of scenarios that lead to this eventual situation, and RARELY are they ever, “A girl can’t decide between two different, but equally viable sexual options, and thus leaves it in the hands of the men to figure it out.” That shit just doesn’t happen.
What DOES happen, is that one guy has a CLEAR advantage (i.e. the woman ACTUALLY wants to sleep with him) and the other is in utter and complete denial. In this scenario, the guy who knows he’s already won, doesn’t want to be seen as a dick by making the other guy leave, and the woman doesn’t want to seem rude or obvious, by telling the “loser” to leave (either because he is a long time friend, an obvious loser that can’t take the shame, or she’s just polite.)
Now, before I define the other VERY common scenario that leads to this Standoff, I want to point out that no woman owes any man sex. It’s important to say, because you might be asking yourself, “So wait, you believe that at any party, two guys can just STAY till everyone leaves, and eventually one of them will wait long enough to get to have sex with the female host?” No, that’s not what I’m saying. What I AM saying, is that most people don’t like confrontation, and the rest are usually oblivious to people they’re NOT trying to have sex with, so sometimes mistakes are made.
Which brings me to the other common scenario: She doesn’t want to have sex with either of them, but they brought the weed and beer, and watching them try to win her favor is fun for her. The guys have no idea they are TRULY in a Sexican Standoff, and the female knows she’s the only winner, because she got free booze, weed, and compliments.
But here is the real question: If you find yourself in this situation, how do you win? Do you play it cool?
Do you insult the other dude until he’s so emotionally broken that he calls and Uber and heads home?
Do you see the situation for what it is and graciously leave, knowing that even though he’s having sex, you’re the bigger man?
You tell me.
No, seriously, I’ve never won, and I need answers.
Tell me in the comments.