Dear Ladies, Own your Sexuality
Dear Ladies,
The society has shaped you to repress your sexual desires and make you feel ashamed for having sex. I am writing this so you can rise above this construct and stop believing you have no right to enjoy sex or to speak of it.
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First of all, sex isn't a vice; it's simply a basic human need. You should start seeing yourselves as humans, and stop attaching your value to your vaginas. Self control isn't a virtue, it is just a personal decision. If sex is what you want, go for it; you do not owe anyone any explanation on how you choose to have sex or who you choose to have sex with.
Sex is a natural human need both males and females should enjoy and seek when they want to, so you should stop feeling ashamed for wanting sex. Stop leaving a life of shame. You also have a right to talk to your partner about your favourite sex positions and how your body reacts to them.
Why do women feel like victims after consensual sex? I don't understand why a woman should feel ashamed or feel used after having consensual sex. Some of them start to feel something huge has been taken away from them. Is your entire existence tied to your pussy?
Also, you need to stop feeling entitled after sex, a man must not marry or date you simply because you had sex with him. Sex is just what it is, sex. It doesn't make you entitled.
Own your body and sexuality. Sex was designed for both genders. Express yours if you feel like.
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This seems a bit presumptions, @udochi, to be honest. I, personally, am a woman quite comfortable with her sexuality, but it seems a bit out of place to have a man "giving" permission and making sweeping statments like this. Just sayin'....
I am a Nigerian. Every writing of mine is based from my Nigerian experience. I admire ladies who have broken free from societal and religious constructs.
I think it's far more complex than just societal expectations. For just ONE example, I don't know many women who haven't been sexually abused in some way at a young age. Maybe it's just the type of women I meet or that they feel comfortable talking to me about it... but that type of thing fucks you up solidly, therapy or no in ways that you couldn't possibly understand.
As for me, I very much enjoy my sexuality. I wish that men hadn't always felt entitled to get (or take) sex from me when I was younger just because I went out wit them.
So... yeah, there are a LOT of aspects to sexuality, expressing your sexuality and so on, from both sides. Then you add in cultures, life experiences, the way people are raised and it is just far more complex than "Express yourself"
It's a good conversation to have, but this feels really dismissive when approached this way.
I perfectly understand your point. I don't know how it is for you guys in Europe and America, but for us in Africa, sex is treated as sacred because of religious laws and sanctimonious cultural values.
Over here, we have a warped perception of sex. Our society is still very patriarchal. Very few ladies are expressive about their sexual desires. Adult ladies are taught that sex is a vice and self control is a virtue. Also, the few ones that decide to have sex in someway objectify it. They get to feel really entitled after sex.
My post aims at encouraging adult ladies from these societies to break free from societal constructs and fully own their sexuality.
I get what you're saying (and the religious types here are very much the same), I just thinkt hat the way you said it came across as very judgemental and one sided... it seemed very simplified and that isn't going to help get your point across.
I didn't know your gender when I read this, and actually assumed you were a woman. I can see previous concerns in the comments about it appearing that you are "giving" permission, but based on my opinion and perception of the article, as well as the added context you gave from a Nigerian perspective, i thought this was a very feminist perspective you gave. You acknowledged that it was society that has shaped them to feel this way, and that they should realize the construct is a lie and that there is nothing wrong about it. It's important I think to recognize that feminism and sex positivity may mean different things in different countries, and that some countries are in different places regarding those things. I hope the restrictive attitude around sex in Nigeria changes quickly and that women are allowed to confidently and freely voice both when they want and don't want it, and are respected in turn. Thanks for sharing!
Wow, i am.just seeing this. You really understood my perspective, thank you for your insightful and objective remark.