3 Reasons Why 90% Of Men Suck At Eating Pussy

If you’re reading this article, you’re either curious, or you need to take my advice

If you eat pussy with just your tongue, you may as well eat your dinner with just your tongue because you’re a sorry ass pussy eater!

There. I feel better knowing I’ve addressed that doing the bare minimum is the equivalent of a hooker with no limbs.

Wait. Before I get started. I know you motherfuckers have a short attention span. I wrote a quick interactive book for couples. It’s pretty fucking crazy; it’s filled with coupons, games, activities, etc. It’s literally made to push boundaries. To explore kinks fetishes and open up a world of lost sexual excitement. If you don’t want to buy it, I don’t give a shit; just read the article, so you know how to actually pussy.

Now, to the good stuff.

1. Knowing your utensils
   Let me be real frank. About is Frank as Frankenstein. And that’s pretty fucking Frank. If you’re just using your mouth to eat her pussy, you are already failing. Let’s go over the body parts that can be included, so your girlfriend doesn’t leave you.

Your nose
Yep. Just like those cute videos where you see idiots booping their pet’s noses, you need to do the same thing. If you’re sticking your tongue in her, use your nose to rub her clit. It’s called creativity. If you want to make it more interesting, put a little humor in it, touch her clit ever so gently with your nose and say, Boop!

Your fucking HANDS!
I swear on everything I love; I don’t care how good you eat pussy; if you don’t use your hands when you eat, you suck. This is not a hands behind your back pie-eating contest; this is a finger-licking good, savor that motherfucking meal kind of deal. You have to use your hands, spread her pussy, rub her thighs, tummy, and tits, explore her body. Finger her, make her taste herself, be creative. Don’t just keep your hands on her thighs, don’t just touch her pussy, you have to understand that women enjoy being enticed from the head down.

Ya dick!
Yep! Use your dick! Just take a quick break from licking her, and use the tip of your penis to rub her clit. Spit on your dick and rub it around her body, her face, do something unexpected.

1. Shake, rattle, and roll
   If she isn’t shaking, rattling, or rolling her body around, you’re doing something wrong. I’m not kidding. Don’t fall for all the moaning, leg stretching, etc. When you’re doing a super good job, she’s going to look like she’s possessed by a fucking demon. My partner has to restrain me. When his face is in between my legs, I will climax at least five times. Why? Because he’s not trying to make me come, he’s trying to heat me up to the point of explosion. Too many men focus on the clit; they focus on her pussy and completely forget that the rest of her body exists.

Forget about what you see in porn; forget about that drunk blonde you hooked up with at a bar. If you want to know how to please a woman, read Cosmopolitan magazine. I know, it sounds fucking ridiculous, but my partner read that magazine his entire life, and we have sex every single night, after ten years of dating, with a toddler. You show me another couple who has a baby and a ten-year relationship who make each other come every single night, and I’ll pay you 1000 fucking dollars.

Do you want to know how my partner makes me climax orally so quickly? It’s because he takes his time. He doesn’t just grab my tits and take my clothes off; he teases me. He plays with me from outside of my clothing, he makes me touch him while he touches me, and after 45 minutes of insane anticipation, then we finally get naked. But that’s not all! It takes him another 15 to 20 minutes of kissing and caressing my body before his lips even meet my pussy. And when he does, he is kissing, blowing, and rubbing his face on my pussy ever so gently. Anything he can do to make me beg for his tongue to touch me. That’s how you make a girl shake.

1. The fucking method!
   Listen up, gentlemen. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but the aggressive clit sucking, pointed tongue licking, or anything that’s aggressively obvious has a time and a fucking place. If your partner isn’t turned on, attacking her pussy like you’re starving probably isn’t the best method.

Imagine if a girl just pulled your pants down and started sucking your dick as if it owed you money. Maybe it feels good? But imagine how good it would feel if she pulled your pants down, slowly, kissing up to your shaft, gently licking your balls, gently licking up your cock, waiting until you’re at the point of craziness before you feel the warmth of her mouth. Do you see what I’m saying? The fucking build-up is essential.

Climax
Believe me when I say this, and ladies, back me up here in the comments, the longer the teasing, the better the pleasing. Let me say that again. The longer the teasing! The better the fucking pleasing!

You don’t have to be the best at licking pussy; you don’t have to spell the fucking alphabet; you don’t have to do weird tricks with her clit; all you have to do is turn her on. And the best way to turn her on is to make her want it, need, more than she could possibly imagine. Take your fucking time. Stop paying attention to the prominent parts of her body and start focusing on her entirety. You should want her to be literally begging you to taste her; she should be squirming around like a fish out of water trying to pull your fucking mouth into her pussy.

And once you get to the point where she is squirming and begging, you make her wait longer.

I don’t think people understand how detrimental it is for their sex lives. The only way you’ll keep your intimacy fresh is by focusing on intimacy and not sex. Sure, sometimes it seems tedious. Sometimes I just want to get fucked, and I end up not climaxing because there’s no foreplay.

Take. Your. Fucking. Time.