Noxsoma Chronicles Episode #37: Abstract Living in a Turbulent World 4
"There's NO WAY We're Ever Having Sex!!!!"
Just one of my social media "friends" trying to lure me in.
Friday October 20, 2017
Benidorm, Spain
Abstract Living in a Turbulent World
There's NO WAY We're Ever Having Sex!
A funny thing happened to me on the way to "middle age." Sex stopped being important. I couldn't believe it. I had to call up my younger hornier self and ask what the fuck (pun intended) was going on?
I used to think that I had an addictive personality and it would difficult for me to quit habits like eating wheat or having sugar in my tea. Bread, rice, and flour were easy to give up. No withdrawals, no cravings. Sugar was a bit difficult. But sex?
Honestly, I can't say I was ever addicted to sex. It seemed like too much trouble for too little reward. Mostly it was a matter of peer pressure and it eventually turned into a contest. Well, let's not go into the gory details, especially in the light of this updated "metoo" movement.
The one act you never want to do when it comes to sex is think. It's a buzz kill. The best lovers... (so I've heard) are men who aren't very bright or are sociopaths; they are not thinking about anyone but themselves in that moment. They don't over think the process. It's fucking, plain and simple. There's no room for intellect when passion is involved.
Conversely, the best female lovers are emotional (or ovulating). Generally they are pissed off (angry for you Brits reading) or very sad, or depressed. It's known as "mad pussy." Like dumb dick, mad pussy isn't thinking about much more than the person that hurt her feelings. She's getting back at him (or her) by enjoying herself and giving someone else the pleasure usually reserved for the person that hurt her. Between moans of passion she's thinking about how she can't wait to tell!!
Between these extreme examples there are millions of other scenarios each with their own subtle nuances and dynamic twists and turns. There are also those rare occasions when magic happens. A one-night stand goes wrong and you actually like each other fall in love and stay together. That may happen more times than we know, but I don't know about very many of those fairy tale stories.
Back to the path.
You've heard of the paradigm shift, right? It's like an epiphany, a revelation - a realization that no longer allows you to believe or act the way you once did. This doesn't have anything (much) to do with the sexual harassment issue, but my attitude (and that of some of the women that I've encountered) that I am somehow receiving something from them. The language of men is very dominant when it comes to "intimacy" (by which, I mean sex). Men talk in terms of "getting pussy," "getting lucky," or "getting laid." And women (mostly, back in the day) would follow that language. (Although today I hear there's this "for the dick" challenge, so maybe more women are "getting dick" than "giving up the butt" these days.)
In any case. My paradigm shifted when I began to (ahem) value myself more than I valued... hmmm.... what was it? Conquest? Bragging rights? (Although I was never one to brag.)
Authenticity!
When I took the prospect of sex out of the equation, I became more authentic. I could actually get to know, and like a woman; and decide whether I wanted to (sexually) please her or just keep her in the friend zone. If I thought she was full of shit, I could tell her so and not worry about screwing up my chances of "getting laid."
Another discovery - and I don't know if this is just the sign of the times - was that the ladies I was hanging with would pick up the bill from time to time. The implication of any expectations... "rewards" for a meal and night out became moot.
Which brings me to social media and the fragility of cyber friendship. I have had the pleasure and pain of internet dating, and I have reached out to women on social media with the intention of making a date with them. The results have been mixed - bottom line - I'm still single. The point is, the same freedom and authenticity in face-to-face interactions applies doubly to the cyber world. I no longer have to worry about offending anyone I might be trying to date... because I'm not trying to bed them.
My attitude is, there's no way I'm ever having sex with anyone in my social media universe. I might be wrong, but it's not likely. So I can be my authentic smart-ass self. I can write what I want, express my opinions and if I do tame my wild tongue it's out of respect for something personal (pain, trauma) that someone might have experienced.
Personally, I think the world is far too oversensitive. I believe there's a segment of the population; a rather large and growing segment that get a rush, or some sort of pleasure from the attention they get by playing the victim. But that's going on a whole other road. I think I've gotten this issue off my chest.
I'm still open to dating. But these days the vibe has to be there. Harmonic vibrations enhance attraction.
(*No Original Photos in this episode, just the on that lured me in. Maybe it lured you too.)
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCROnhfDENOz7GVjnAQhuoHQ/video
in the meantime enjoy the flicks
I enjoyed your article. It was well written and thought out. Had me at abstinence, or saying that you'd never be with anyone on media.
I was in my thirties when I became more interested in learning new things and discovering the world around me than being with my wife intimately. She was already there, it just took me longer to get there. In our forties now, we both enjoy sharing information we have discovered on the internet and talking about life in general than being intimate. Sometimes we go months without and that is absolutely fine with both of us. "We get our kicks above the waistline, sunshine!" Murray Head reference there. I get what you are saying and I'm saying welcome to the club. Doesn't we will never have sex again, but it will be under our terms and not nature's or peer pressure's terms. Isn't it nice to just be yourself? To just be enjoying life and do the things you want to do rather be a slave to your libido? Some people never have the realization, they can't get to where we are mentally. So, congratulations!
Much love, light and respect,
X
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