RE: Is physical beauty more important?
Lust is easy, you just have to find someone you can connect with on a superficial level and spend time with them without either friendzoning or chasing them away. The better your skills, the more of a success rate you'll have. Its important to get good at this bc your gonna need some of these skills, so a good place to start is The Game by Neil Strauss, focusing especially on his breakdown of inner game vs outer game, as the philosophy he gives is pretty spot on. To simplify it all, outer game is your appearance and expression, its your body, your clothing style, hair, make-up, posure/body language, speechcraft, and above all else, emotional energy. Its what determines how people judge you on an immediate superficial level. This outer game is an extension of your inner game, of who you are and what state of your life is. Inner game is key to finding a relationship, or at least one that's not based purely on physical affairs.
Your problem exists in one of these two areas, and to save me the time it takes to speculatr this is where some backstory would help...
Remember that this is the internet so it goes without saying that you shouldnt be too specific with your replies but I have a few questions that may seem personal but how you answer is a little more important than what you answer so dont worry too much about the details but please be honest:
How would you rate your physical apprarance(1-10)?
How do you think others would rate your physical appearance(1-10)?
How confident would you say you are when you talk to people you'vejust met?
How confident do you feel when speaking to someone you feel is more attractive then you?
How attractive would you say your best friend is?
Are the crushes/people you are attracted to part of your friend group or just people you meet?
How satisfied are you with your home life? Your work life? Your financial security?
How would you describe your physical fitness/physical activity?
2.I think others would give it a 5 (because I wear make up)
3.I think I am confident when I meet new people and talk to them but my inner voice would ALWAYS judge me.
4.I would feel very uncomfortable (because I think that they would not want to spent time with me)
5.I think she catches attentions everywhere she goes. She is attractive enough to make people look twice.
6.They are people I meet a few times during a month. (mostly we are "seen" in social media)
7.To be honest, not satisfied at all. My family is consisted of many toxic people who never allow me to change. Whenever I want to change a habit of mine , they hit me with the "You are not like that" phrase. I don't work. I am studying literature. And I can say that I am doing pretty good (I love to study). As for financial security, I am thankful for what I have but there are things that are turning out as an obstacle because of a low financial status (such as not being able to continue college in better universities.
8.I am not active because my parents are very strict and do not allow me to go and do activities outside with my friends. Or if they do any day, they would give me a short amount of time (like an hour or less)
I can't thank you enough for spending your time for explaining things further to me. I appreciate every single word you write. May you be blessed with all you desire!
So its seems as if your problem is with your inner Self....
First and foremost reject social media. It is a tool to be used to share ideas, knowledge, thoughts and creation, not a basis for judging your value. Steem seems to be a great exception to the norm, but the great majority of social media sites are used mainly to express superficial vanity. They can greatly reinforce the way you see yourself, and either encourage your positive growth or negatively wear on your inner psyche.... When you judge someone's worth based on a headshot and instagram pictures you don't truly see them, you see the image that you think they are (its amazing how much of a difference lighting and camera angles can make).
All these problems you mention can and most likely will be changed by the river of time, its a slow process but looking back at where you once were its amazing to see how much growth truly happens without our conscious minds ever noticing. Your quest for knowledge and philosophy will greatly sharpen your mind if you feed it well enough (knowledge is to the mind what food is to the body, if you put good in you get good out but if you feed it shit you'll get nothing but shit), and eventually you'll move out on your own and be stronger for facing the struggle for without pain and strife there is no evolution.
The old adage goes that real beauty lies inside, because your outer self is the reflection of your inner self. Every thought you have and every emotion you feel gets sent out as energy into the world around you, attracting those along similar wavelengths and repelling those on opposite ends of the spectrum, which is a new-age way of saying that when you feel good about yourself everyone around you can sense it, attracting others who are happy and repelling those who arent (the ones who arent seem to love throwing off their negatives at someone happier then them).
Secondly, get active!
Human beings were not meant to be sedentary, alot of negatives both physical and mental come to us when we don't move and do stuff because, whether you believe in evolution or intelligent design, we were made to do work. We weren't quite meant to fly, but we were given legs to walk and run, muscles to lift heavy stuff, and arms to reach and climb.
When you exercise, your mind become more clear, focused, and sharp, your body releases endorphines and hormones to return balance and peace to an over-stressed mind. You wake up feeling energized, alive, and hungry for life. The more you do, the more energy you have to do more stuff and the easier everything from walkng up steps to lifting a bad of groceries becomes.
It is key for all of us to find a gym, whether its in a backyard, a friends garage, or a multimillion dollar facility (mine was the lake I grew to love). Get out and walk in the early morning light, hear the sounds of a world waking up to the rising sun, or go for an easy jog around the block. A month in the gym will realign your entire perspective (the first few weeks seem rough but only because the mind's self-conscious tendencies get in the way of a good workout) and a mere week of running will help you throw off negatives like a moving meditation. The mind-body connection is all too important for one to to allow oneself to reject physical activity.
Sorry if all this is a little much, changing your self-image and fostering love is a long, slow, and sometimes difficult process. It is easy to get discouraged, which is why mankind has evolved to become communal, so we could encourage, inspire, and push each other to succeed. Change is often the hardest thing to someone who is set in their ways but again, without challange and strife there is no evolution. It takes grit, toughness, and determination, all of which can only be learned from one's own Self.