Learn Empathy for Better RelationshipsteemCreated with Sketch.

in #self-help5 years ago (edited)

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Have you ever been in a situation where your negative emotions being denied with a phrase such as; "There's no reason to be upset. You're probably just tired and need a break, It can't be as bad as you make it out to be. Come on smile.. You look so nice when you smile".
You came to them to share your feeling after you were yelled at your workplace by your boss because of your small mistake in front of your coworker.
How would you feel? Does this sound familiar to you?
When I am upset or hurting, the last thing I want to hear is advice, philosophy, psychology or the other fellow's point of view.
That kind of talk, makes me only feel worse than before. Can you relate?

More than often we will find a way to release the agony feelings by listenng to our favorite song or singer that seems empathize with our situation.
Or some of you will go to your favorite poet because they seem so eloquent on expressing our deep miserable feeling that you try to vent out.
Or you just go out there to visit your favorite place in nature where they seem to emphatize more with you in their own way and give you back your strength and mental clarity to solve your problem.
If you are the aggresive one maybe you will go to the gym and vent out all your anger there on the weight training and all but I do hope you don't injure yourself in the process.
Or god forbid you just end up finding an excuse to hurt or beat someone to release your anger.

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Usually its easier to share positives emotions than negative emotions.
Whenever we feel those positives emotions everyone around us seems to enjoy them too if they get envy that's their problem.
But when it comes to negative emotions, there are many frustrating reactions that we will get especially from our family and friend and they might do it out of kindness or they grew up having their feelings denied too.
If someone really listen,acknowledge my inner pain and give me a chance to talk more about what's troubling me, and I begin to feel less upset, less confused, more able to cope with my feelings and my problem.

The languange of empathy does not come naturally and as other skills, it can be learn too.
To become fluent it this new language of acceptance we have to learn and practice its method.
The cliche of be the change you want to see in the world now taking it place.
The next time when someone come to you with their negative emotions, try this approach instead of the usual way you did in the past that turn out sour;

  1. Listen with full attention
  2. Acknowledge their feelings with a word; "Oh" "Mmmm" "I see.."
  3. Give their feeling a name
  4. Give their wishes in fantasy(if this is your young child) for adult a simple warm hug will do!

p/s: Dear gentlemen, the next time your woman complains talk about their feelings to you especially the bad one, control yourself to not right away offers your solutions to them, they might already have the solutions or better solution after you help them clear up their negatives feeling out just by being present with them at that particular moment. The same goes for your young child if you want them to listen to you the next time you want them to.
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