Being a better listener isnt worth it

'You were an absolute shit, you would play havoc, teasing all the other kids, but i really missed you once you left my class' This is almost verbatim what most of my teachers said about me after i left their class, from almost 5 years old to 18.

After graduating school i hit university and was relatively popular but a 'bit of an asshole'. From then to about now at 32, i have got married and finally got a proper adult professional type job. I would find i was like marmite, people either really liked me or really disliked me. This included bosses at work.

I wanted to change this, or at least be in control of it, this is where the journey of self improvement started. It started with the standard How to make friends and influence people, and progressed right through to meditation and most recently a book called Coherence, which i do strongly recommend to anyone. What i wanted to do, was to dissect my behaviour, to understand why some people think I'm charismatic and cool, whilst others think i am an asshole and don't want to invite me to their wedding, but they do all our mutual friends.
Once i learnt some techniques like, paraphrasing what people say, listening rather than talking, being aware of others emotions, i have realised whilst doing this i have started to be less in the moment, i am more in my head wondering the best way to respond to others. This has diminished my natural exuberance and child like fun and has made me a little anxious.

On the flip side, i have become more aware, and am able to come across like a normal boring person and have neutral relations with people, which is important with people like in-laws or certain colleagues at work.

However, i am way more dull now, less exuberant and interesting. I think i need to find a middle ground, and i think i have.

When i first meet people : I give them non natural me. I am attentive, i listen, i build rapport. This is tiring and hard work, but what i can then do is unleash the normal me and hopefully this time, the awesomeness that is me (I genuinely believe everyone has their own) will be much better appreciated.

I still haven't figured out what i will do with work, so if anyone has any advice, pointers or been through similar experiences i would love to hear from you.