Self-forgiveness 1-16-19

Something I have noticed within myself is a tendency to want to implement changes from the perspective of mind-over-matter rather than making decisions within the moment.

There is something about control in wanting to believe that I have conceived of the solution to a life-problem and am thus solely, or at least largely, responsible for its successful implementation. This approach feeds my ego but the fact that I can reach a place where I believe myself to having these 'Eureka-moments' in a bubble / vacuum and thus can somehow channel all the positive results of the change towards myself indicates a red flag in terms of how much positive energy I've invested in this idea.

Just as the world helped to shape my current problems, access to tools such as self-writing and self-introspection as espoused by Desteni as well as the feedback from Destonians walking their own self-change processes have contributed to my ability to notice, self-forgive, and transform these problems. Thus, a preference over sitting in my room and conceiving of solutions to implement with an emphasis on how these solutions can help me alone versus using what I have learned to make snap decisions in the Moment indicates a selfishness in my approach to self-change.