"The girl I date is seeing others; should I leave, or stay and give her a chance?"

Hi David and Steemians,

I want to share with you a personal problem that I believe is relevant to others as well. It happened to me more than once that I dated a girl for a couple of months during which she let me know that she was very interested in a long-term relationship and hence showed lots of enthusiasm. However, once I gave it a chance, I found out that behind my back she was trying to meet other men!

Is such behavior acceptable?

How long should I allow such situation to continue if at all?

Has it happened to me because of me; because of something connected with me and not my partner? Should I change my behavior in some way so my partner becomes more faithful? What change would that be? Or should I change partner altogether?

Thank you so much,

Ron

Credit: Photo by Timothy Eberly on Unsplash

Ron,

I love the approach that says that it is your responsibility to change rather than to blame others for things that happen to you. When the fidelity issue comes to the fore in a relationship the cause can generally be found in the issues of ‘self-worth’ and the ‘ability to commit’.

Do you believe that you are a unique, loving and wonderful human being who deserves to be respected and cherished? Or, on the other hand, perhaps you have low self-esteem that transmits itself to your environment and therefore attracts those who use you – mentally and emotionally – without committing?!

Have you made a clear and direct decision about what YOU want in your life, and once the decision was made, could you stand behind it?! In simple words – could it be that along the years, perhaps because of bad past experiences, you compromised about the kind of relationship you wanted, and therefore you have accepted everything that the “river of life” has brought you without adhering first to the inner call from your soul level?!

Life and TrueLove are about choice. Be quiet with yourself first and ask honestly - what do you choose to have. Can you really – REALLY – stick to your desire to have a long-term relationship with someone who is as faithful and loving as you are?!... Are you really willing to examine your life and your belief systems and change those that need to be changed in order to bring yourself to the level where TrueLove resides?! The lesson that you are facing now, self-worth, may take some time and dedication on your part until you become a human being who loves himself wholly and thoroughly. Are you willing to devote the necessary time and effort?

About leaving or staying – you have the wisdom and tools to decide for yourself. What do you think you are worth? Do you or don’t you deserve to be with a faithful person who respects your opinion and time and who is honest with you? If you found out that your little sister’s new boyfriend was seeing other girls behind her back, would you still recommend that she stays with him or would you insist she leaves him at once because she simply deserves much better?!

Good luck!

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