Yay ... (meh)

in seattle •  last year

So, I'm working again - and this is good news, right?

It's great news because it means I can begin to dig myself out of the financial hole I'm in. I guess I'm really jazz'd about paying bills, and taxes ... MAN do I LOVE paying taxes.

I guess it's good because of the necessity of pain ...

You can't have joy, beauty, all the cool stuff without some pain. Sure, pain can be avoided, but pain can't be eliminated. Part of my "journey" of recent years has been a futile attempt at trying to find a life, a way of life, that could fit with my beliefs. I wasn't seeking "pain free", just something less existentially caustic to my soul. I remember leaving Seattle, in 2014, swearing to "never return". Here I am, again, working (as a contractor) for one of the companies I despise - doing work that is pointless, chaotic, and often painful.

Sure - I'm just starting this job, so a "groove" will develop ...

Once I'm in the "groove" I can pretend, as others do, that everything is "ok" ...

But for now I'm frustrated, bewildered, and back to wondering about the mess that is my life.

(but I'm fine)

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