Every country has its own 'traditional' music and the recurring theme for me across all these culturally important soundtracks to a nation is that they are all terrible rackets!

Another common factor, certainly amongst English folk music and traditional Irish and Scottish music and even US bluegrass and country music is the importance placed on the nerve-tingling, screechy stringed bit of boxwood called the violin. Violins are good for one thing only in my opinion, and that's for firewood. However, it seems that for traditional musicians they form the very backbone of their musical repertoire.

Last week, I was in Inverness, Scotland with my wife and her sister and her husband, who is a proud and traditional Scot, and suggested that we go to a famous live music venue in the city centre called 'Hootananny'.

This is their website so you too can see their extensive live music events

Already filled to overflowing with Nessie souvenirs, tartan everything and 'Robert the Bruce once slept here' stories, I thought what could go wrong with a rock band and a pint of Guinness; except that we stayed downstairs in the bar and didn't go upstairs and so it wasn't some rock or cool young indie band we saw, it was a traditional Scottish Celidah trio. Oh Lord, it was going to be a long night!

I love Scotland. I really do. I love the stunning scenery, the clean air, the incredible beaches. It's simply beautiful, but bloody hell do the Scots like to bang on about it!

"Them's not just any old eggs, them's Scotch eggs. From Scotland. Did ye nae, TV was invented by a Scotsman? Them there wee rolls of sticky tape. That's nae sellotape. That's Scotch tape that is. Braveheart, he kicked shit oota ye English. We've got renewable energy we have......

SHUT THE FUCK UP

I could retort with the fact that 'Braveheart' was an alcoholic anti-semitic (or was that the actor?) and that their renewable energy was mainly funded by Norweigan Oil companies in return for them being allowed to drill for oil in Scottish waters, but I resisted. I am genuinely sad they didn't get their independence from the Union. Just let the English vote too next time and I'm sure there would be a different result!

Now, I really do appreciate good musicians, and these guys were very talented young fellas although I was worried about the guitarist and his bum fluff beard who looked about 12 as I was expecting his Mum to storm in at any time and lead him by his ear as it was past his bedtime, but no such luck.

Inverness riverside

I kept trying to self-regress into my past life to work out what I'd done so wrong that had led me to this night of wailing and never-ending diddly dee 'music' with its continuous repetitiveness. All the songs sounded the same and every time someone clapped, and the sound started again, I felt I was stuck in Groundhog day.

"This next song was written by Hamish McMoaner, a Scottish crofter in the late 17th century"..........

What sort of spawn of satan thought a trio consisting of an accordion, violin and guitar would be a good idea? Its the musical equivalent of eating ice cream with soy sauce. It just doesn't work!

Then, just as I thought it couldn't get any worse, it did. Violin boy in his foot-stomping, seg armed brogues stood up and put down his violin. My relief was palpable but very short lived as from out of nowhere, he pulled a banjo. Yes, a bloody banjo and now we appeared to be in full McDeliverance mode!

"These next tracks are traditional Strathspey melodies for you get up and dance to". No way, but yes way. Our table at the front was surrounded by old ladies smiling and jigging about and trying to pull me off my seat to dance. I kept smiling and shaking my head. I daren't speak as the anti-English sentiment up there hangs in the air like the stench of stale piss in an underpass.

A blissful Brendan leant over to me and shouted; "You can't help but tap your foot, can you?". He wasn't being ironical. Even the wife, who has on many occasions tortured me by subjecting me to traditional Thai music, was looking at me in desperation for an escape clause, but it wasn't until they finally decided to have a break from playing the same tune over and over, an hour later, that I could get up and leave, citing an early start next morning for the 400mile drive back to the relative 'civilisation' of Yorkshire as an excuse.

Oh my bleeding ears.

As the wife and I left to make the short walk back to the hotel, one of the bar staff was leaning against the wall smoking and my wife looked at her a little puzzled.
"Why are they advertising a porn website called hotnanny.com on the back of her T-Shirt?" she asked. I didn't bother to explain......

Here is my gift to you all. A two hour non-stop YT video of traditional Scottish folk music, so you too can immerse yourself in the dulcet tones and simple melodies.....

Then it started drizzling. We were in Scotland after all!

If you want to visit Hootanannys, I've pinned it to the Steemit World Map

Any non original images and videos are used without the express authorisation of the copyright holders. They are used under what's known in British law as "Fair Dealing" or under US law as "Fair Use" exceptions. For example, exceptions relating to research and private study, criticism or review, or news reporting. For more information visit the UK Gov website or the US Gov website.