No Long Term Plan

Most people have generally plan ahlead in some  degree. How will this affect me in the long run. What if you're someone who's not sure if they'lol be a "long run"? What if you're someone who thinks living in the short run is bad enough. 

When I was younger I often ill, in pain, fearful, and discontent. I also had  tics, learning troubles and sensory issues. On top of that I had ear troubles that supposedly went away, but I often sill suffered from tinitus, temporary hearing problems( only ever considered a red flag to my knowledge), ear aches etc. Plane rides used to be hell. My stomach was even worse. Seemingly would flare up for no reason.

To get the main point. It seemed like I couldn't get a handle on any of it. No one seemed to understand these problems. It seemed I was blamed, not beleaved. The solutions often seemed innefective, or even counterproductive. Stuff like eat healthy and feel better. I seemed to feel terrible no matter how I ate. Sometimes I'd feel alright, but that felt random as well. As far as long term I wasn't convinced it'd be much better. I'd say I'd change my diet maybe when I was older. It was said that would be too late. Often times kids are thought of not thinking ahead. I'd thought ahead, over and over again. The truth is I didn't plan on sticking around very long term. I'd think it doesn't matter. Life is obviously just not for me. 

As I was discussing smoking with someone on twitter I was reminded of much stuff like this. I remember as a kid learning about cigarettes. Thinking cigarettes make people happy in the short run, but in the long run they  end up with serious health problems. The fact that they seemed to ignore all these  health risks. I wasn't convinced  of everything, as I'd not had the best experience with medical experts, and hearing about differing ever changing opinions, etc. However this told me it must be really good in the short run. I honestly didn't have much hope at all for the long run. I didn't see me making it that long. Instead of focusing on another thing no seemed to get. Some people aren't blissfully unaware of the future. Some don't want a future at all. Some are worried things will just continue how they were, if they dint get worse. At first I had no idea anyone else ever wished to no longer be alive. However, what I did know is smoking must be pr good to even risk stuff like I'd seen. ESP when some cases were more blatantly related. I really did want to experience that made it all worth it to so many people. The present wasn't good, and things only seemed to get worse, and worse. However I did have the small conciliation I'd get all that makes people want to keep coming back for cigarettes, and by the time things would've began to affect me Id probably checked out for good by that time. I not only eventually began to smoke, but almost succeeded in taking my life. 

There are people who wish to use that against me. I've been mocked lied about, insulted, and condescended. From supposed medical proffesionals have  to internet trolls. I've even been lied about in court over it. That's partly why I feel I may as well be open. It doesn't mean I'm "psychotic", "dumb" "naive", or easily manipulated etc. Now I'm at a point where I'm trying to get my health together, and am also peotected from the mental health field that tried to use my reaction to adversities against me. Have some stomach, ear problems, and tics, still but I'm more hopeful about them. I think nutrition and Scientology is going to play a very important role in all of this.