When you think of the Cretaceous Period, your mind probably turns to massive dinosaurs stomping across the Earth. Most people's favorite dinos were alive and kicking during the Cretaceous - the triceratops, the diplodocus, the stegosaurus, and the T-rex and the velociraptor. Seriously, they should have called it Cretaceous Park, but it just doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?

Fuck you, Spielberg! Plus, I probably had featherrrrrs!

More than just dinosaurs

Of course it wasn't just dinosaurs and other giant goddamn lizards running around the planet at this time. Mammals were beginning to show up, though the ones in what would become North America weren't much to look at. They're classified as metatherians - basically mammalian proto-marsupials. There are around 60 metatherian species we know of, and for the most part they were about the size of a shrew.

That is, except for a newly-categorized find: Didelphodon vorax. This furry little bastard was a gargantuan beast in comparison to his cousins. About the size of a badger and weighing probably anywhere between 5 and 11 pounds, D. vorax would have been dwarfed by a full-sized dinosaur but was almost certainly the meanest furry little sonofabitch on four legs around.

Dem chompers. Source

D. vorax, the big bastard of the metatherian

D. vorax was a carnivore, according to the scientists that recently found, categorized, and analyzed a bunch of skull and snout fossils from the beastie. This thing had some serious chompers - large, cat-like canines, rounded premolars, and tough molars that would have been ideal for piercing bone of terrestrial creatures and crushing the hard shells of marine crustaceans. Not only that, but based on CT scans of the skull and careful reconstruction of where the jaw muscles would have attached to its skull, D. vorax had an incredibly strong bite. So strong, in fact, that researchers estimate it would have had a bite strength better than a hyena.

Do you know how hard a hyena bites? With around 1,100 pounds per square inch of force. Compare that to a human bite, which tops out at probably around 150-250 PSI give or take. Hyenas are routinely seen biting right goddamn through giraffe bones with ease.

Fucking white people do the stupidest shit. Source

Hyenas? Amateur hour.

Yet as tough as the hyena bites, D. vorax was getting busy back 66 million years ago, biting the shit out of things even harder. This little prehistoric death badger was pretty much the holy terror of the Cretaceous, eating whatever the hell it wanted to - and that likely included smaller dinosaur species that got in its way.

Imagine you're a young velociraptor, full of piss and vinegar. Tromping through the forests of the Late Cretaceous, looking for prey, when out of nowhere - BAM - this little fucker comes out of nowhere and bites your goddamn foot right off. What the hell are you supposed to do? Death badger don't care. He's gonna eat the shit out of you. Welcome to the jungle, asshole.

Move over, Junior. There's a new sheriff in town.

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