My Letter to my High School Principal

Background Information: I come from a Christian school in which we have mandatory chapel meetings every Tuesday. I write the editorials of my school newspaper and this is one of my proposals :) Happy Reading!

Letter:

To our beloved teachers, faculty, and staff,

Staying awake during chapel is no mean feat. Feed kids until they’re stuffed. Sit them on comfy, cushioned chairs in a dark room. Make sure it’s properly air conditioned too. What then is the inevitable result? Hardly rocket science, that.

Combined with the most, ahem, eventful of presentations and lectures (your humble writer is reluctant to use the word “boring,” though the rest of high school may be decidedly less euphemistic), the lights are dimmed, the chapel is dark, Mr. Whoever starts speaking...my butt sinks into my chair...I rest my head on my hands…

My goodness it’d cure insomnia.

All of a sudden, everyone is clapping. What on earth happened? I join in the clapping.

The following day, during chapel reflections in homeroom, is when that daunting question comes: “share one part of the message that resonated with you in chapel yesterday.” One part of the message? I think to myself. I can barely remember who the speaker was!

Chapel napping is and has always been a contentious topic in recent school history. Students want to sleep, teachers describe it as disrespectful. Students have been caught in the act, and subjected to the most brutal treatment (detention).

Neither party, I am certain, wishes this to continue, so please do so kindly consider the proposal below.

Rather than repeatedly issuing threats of detention to chapel nappers, however ineffective, perhaps the opposite should now be the case. Consequences should instead be issued those who stay awake, lest the pleasant atmosphere become disrupted by hyper-attentive listeners.

Rather than invite chapel speakers or have teachers prepare extensively for their speeches, it would perhaps be more appropriate to play a recording of one of the already-delivered speeches over and over again. Better yet, ditch speeches and play soothing classical music over the speakers. I recommend Johannes Brahms’s Lullaby.

And rather than red dot stickers, each and every chapel seat should come pre-equipped with a small pillow and blanket, in order to create a pleasant sleeping environment for everybody. Chairs should be upgraded to include massage functions, to ensure maximum relaxation.

In addition, I would like to propose that the school explore partnership opportunities with mattress companies in order to perfect their craft of hospitality. Free services such as spas, foot massage, and buffet lunch ought to be provided in order to keep students content.

Chapel will become the resting time we all need. A break from the rigors of academia. A chance to reflect and meditate, in silence and darkness. We reflect on our spiritual journey by “praying” the full 45 minutes. It will become the time everyone craves. In the halls, students will be crying out for chapel, wishing it would come sooner, and more frequently. “Why have we got chapel every Tuesday?!” will be replaced with “Why have we got chapel only on Tuesday?!” Isn’t this the result all teachers are looking forward to?

There is nothing more in the spirit of chapel than the aforementioned points. We strongly urge the high school faculty to take these suggestions into serious consideration and begin implementing the features as described above with the near future. Conflicts and disagreements over chapel napping shall beset students and teachers no more.

Sincerely,
High School Body