Today Evan...Tomorrow Connor [First Universe] [English]

in #schizophrenic7 years ago

portada ingles.jpg

07:00 a.m.: Already awake and I sit in my bed a moment, perhaps to stop feeling my heavy body by the difficult night. I live alone and very far from civilization, but that does not stop me from hearing footsteps all over the house, as if someone were walking outside my room. The noise is so much that I begin to think that someone could enter while I slept, although that would be difficult, since I live very far from civilization and people, but I still get up to check the lock and make sure everything is in order. Not only the bolt remains closed, but also the chain is still intact, however, the steps still sound, but this time in the kitchen and I have to check the house at least three times to make sure that I'm really alone.

07:30 a.m.: I'm taking a cold bath to clear my mind and forget those steps that tormented me, but, as the water fell, I hear voices outside my bathroom, just outside the door. I know there's no one because... damn it, I just checked the house, but it's impossible for me to ignore some people discussing what kind of work is better. I put my head under the cold water and try to ignore what I know is not there.

08:00 a.m.: Is there someone calling my phone? I answer and nobody says anything to me, I hang it up and it rings again, as if someone was making fun of me. I leave the phone disconnected, I go to the kitchen and the phone rings again. What?! They have to be fucking me, but if I left it offline.

08:30 a.m.: I am having breakfast, I got used to the sound of the phone, even when I was disconnected, but now, as if that were not enough, I heard someone shouting at me from outside the house, he told me that "they" will come for me. They? Who the fuck are they? That scream was so disturbing that I can not even finish my meal, I no longer had an appetite.

09:00 a.m.: I'm on my way to work and I realize how people look at me with contempt, some others with fear, as if I were not a person like them... besides, I feel like gravity pulls me to the left. Every time I'm more sure that I'm going to fall, something is pulling me, so I decide to sit down, it does not matter that I'm late, I just have to wait for my balance to be restored, with my hands around my head to try to maintain myself.

10:30 a.m.: There is a man's voice in my head, it's so constant that I nicknamed him Connor. He starts shouting at me, as a result of the employees who are sitting in front of me... he tells me that I must gut one, drown the second in the blood of the first and finally break the neck to the third, while we watch him cry for see her friends die I do everything possible to ignore it, but Connor's voice grows louder and more demanding, even after the employees are gone.

12:00 p.m.: I'm talking to a Frank, a colleague of the work I had not seen for weeks and he owes me money, I thought he had betrayed me. And, as expected, there was the voice of Connor to tell me what he deserved for being a traitor, a false friend... repeating again and again that he should take the chair and split it in the face, until it was as red as the color of his tie.

01:15 p.m.: I'm sitting in the office with my boss, he wanted to talk to me about something "important", but his words start to change from Spanish to a language similar to German and the scribble I'm listening to makes it impossible for me to concentrate on the complaints and what I should have been listening to... although I guess he was telling me about my strange behavior in the last weeks.

02:00 p.m.: At last I have an appetite again, after that breakfast interrupted by the telephone. I go to the dining room, but I can not stop thinking that the people behind the counter put something in my food that I am allergic to. After inspecting my food and disarming it slowly, I am ready to eat my purée and salad.

03:00 p.m.: I meet more of my colleagues and I sit with them, but Connor's voice in my head just keeps screaming insults and more insults against them. I can no longer concentrate on what they are saying to me, which means that I can not hold a conversation, so I clumsily excuse myself and ask them to repeat it until they finally get scared. Connor's voice keeps saying that I'm useless and that even my friends pretend to like me.

04:30 p.m.: I'm in my house again, but I just heard a loud knock on my window, as if someone were trying to get my attention. Although I am currently on the second floor, I have to check if there is someone out... at least three times.

06:00 p.m.: My foot feels like it's on fire, which distracts me from doing the blueprints I was supposed to deliver tomorrow.

07:30 p.m.: When I try to read again, all the words on the page fly through the air and merge into a black hole, so I still can not concentrate on the work.

08:00 p.m.: Something smells like the house is burning, but I have not even turned on the kitchen... I should still check.

09:00 p.m.: I am starting to get tired, but since I have not been able to concentrate on my chores, I should not sleep yet. Connor's voice keeps insulting me and insinuating how useless I am to the human race. Suicide is my only way, at least I thought in silence at that moment, but Connor is so deep in my head that he heard that thought, then he began to tell me all the ways he would like to see me dead.

10:30 p.m.: I have managed to finish with my plans, but being honest they are very bad. I try to relax as the night goes on and I feel a person standing next to my bed watching me without blinking. When I turn around, there's no one there, and I have to check the door again to make sure it's locked.

11:30 p.m.: I'm dying of sleep, and at the last moment, when I'm getting ready to sleep, I hear a knock on my door. When I get up to check if someone is there, I only see my reflection in the mirror, it was Connor who just watched me directly and repeated our names... "Evan...Connor...Evan...Connor".

11: 45 a.m.: I keep watching Connor, it seems like only seconds have passed, but I'm still shocked. I beg you to shut up, he smiles and leaves... letting me go to bed.

12:00 a.m.: Since I can not really stay awake anymore, Connor intervenes in my thoughts to make sure I have suicidal thoughts. My last thought before sleeping is him telling me that true happiness will be achieved by killing third parties or myself. Because I am a damned schizophrenic, this is my damn reality, which I do not want to tell, but of which I am a slave. This is what happens to me every day. Connor is part of me, he is part of this universe... and you should take care of us, because Connor said you follow me from 7:00 a.m.

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