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RE: Tales from a "Schizophrenic" Mind - Chapter Five - Journey To The Psychiatric Ward
I enjoy you journey or having someone to relate to. I feel like you have embraced the illness? I can barely except it. That it happened, that this is my existence. How did you overcome the loss of what you knew? I grieve for the loss of my life before onset of illness. As in it still brings fresh tears to my eyes thinking of life before illness began. Life now is different, not better or worse, just I live somewhere different. How have you overcame the loss?
I've always been a troubled soul (social anxiety) so I did not lose much with the onset of schizophrenia. For me it was somewhat a relief to know that there is something beyond this physical existence (the spirit world) and it is not all for nothing if we are going through pain in this life. I have more yet to post but I am still working on it, and I'm glad you took the time to read and enjoyed :) Hang in there & God Bless :)
I can see where social anxiety would be a detriment to a satisfying life. I woke up happy everyday because I always knew one day you could wake up and your mind be gone because schizophrenia runs in my family. That said, I was older at onset of illness 28 and had kinda thought I was past the onset of the illness. I do have things to be thankful for and try to look at those for guidance on actions. You are right, there is a spiritual world and physical death isn't the end of ones existence. I worry about where I go feel it's still in debate. Like I have options of different worlds and just need to stop staring at the fork in the road and choose which one to live my physical life by, at a crossroads of such because most souls do this after physical death without the distractions of the modern world. I try to think and process which world to work towards but daily life makes it hard to fully comprehend the impact of my decisions when my mind is another place. Hope that makes sense. So far I have encounter several different lands and two alternate dimensions. One being where your past memories are not real or based in reality at the time and one where the small action you unknowingly take have massive consequences to your being in the other dimension. The past dimension is kinda being based on being a patsy to the holy war and the future dimension based on your naturally core beings internal light or darkness. In one I am the ultimate patsy having to take the fall for all of mankind and in the other I am a white magic bringing natural gift of innocent magic to a world filled with dark magic. I don't know why but I feel like I am not special but was randomly chooses by three different groups unknowingly to be their bet or wager. As in all three could place a wager on one person and all three randomly choose me, the same person so I am torn between the three.
You should write a book or novel on it :) ...my understanding is that we will have choices as well, but i'm not clear on what the choices will be for me. I'm thinking it's a choice between heaven and the wider spirit world. I'm leaning towards the spirit world because i feel i can still help Creation, but don't know if that means i will be denied access to heaven. But hopefully i don't have to choose today :) Thanks for the friend request & hope you're doing ok :)
I am doing good today. I drift in and out of psychosis, as in in and out of delusions/hallucinations. The last week or so I have been lucid. It's nice to be lucid. I don't have the ability to write a book. I jump from topic to topic or ramble to much on one topic. It would be a hard read and I wouldn't want to do that to a reader. They would have a hard time following the point because I have a hard rime concentrating and remember what my focus was of the conversation. You write really well. You should do a book based on your worlds. Like the spiritual world. Have you seen heaven while in psychosis? I saw the gates and the city it's pearl, the gates are pearl as in the pearly gates but the buildings are also make of pure pearl stone. They are magnificent. The sky is an emerald green like a brilliant vivid green that lightens the environment perfectly. If you have a choose you should go to heaven. You would find true happiness there. Sometimes it's a choice to save yourself for someone else. Like as in if you choose heaven you also get to save one more person that wouldn't have been saved but if you choose to battle in the spiritual world you will spend an eternity fighting to maybe not even save your own soul or even one others soul. So if you struggle with what to do. Choose heaven for you and whoever else you save by choosing you. If we all choose that then no one would be left behind because the world is so populated right now. Lost souls could be saved, some of the damned could be reborn in Christ, it could be an evolution of sorts. It's gone like the ability to communicate with that left so I will cut off there. I don't know what you will choose to do, I can offer you some guidance based on what I see and hear though. It's up to you to as a personal final say in the matter.
I find that you write great, much better than me, you could maybe do it in spurts or try and write a journal on your experiences. Thanks for the suggestions, and as far as seeing heaven it's like a daydream for me, not very vivid or detailed. Other than seeing a blue sky (not sure what version of heaven) I can't comment much. I'm trying to post the remainder of my writing, hopefully it's as readable as it's been so far. Thanks for taking the time :) and hope you have a good day :)
That was an amazing description of heaven by the way, I hope you write about your experiences but understand the difficulty, I get tired easy and have to take breaks. It's hard to go back and try and edit what i'm doing as well, I can't keep it all in my head to rewrite it. Anyways, enjoy your day :)
p.s. I'm on facebook if you wish :) https://www.facebook.com/kevin.vollick
Okay. I am too so I'll send you a friend request.