Our Lone Computer

Every week for the past six years I have battled the scammers. Two, three, often four times a week, they phone up pretending to be our broadband supplier. Normally, it goes something like this:

“Good Morning/Afternoon, my name is (fake anglicised name with an Indian subcontinent type accent - I’m not saying they are India, just that to my ears they sound vaguely Indian) how is your day going? (long pause waiting for an answer). Is that Mr (name of person who has not worked for us for a decade)?”

There then follows one of these urgent and insistent scenarios:
“I need to advise you that we have detected a dangerous virus in your computer. Do not turn it off. Follow my instruction to get rid of the virus.”

“Your recent bill has not been paid. Your broadband connection will be terminated in the next 24 hours unless immediate payment is made.”

“Your computer is sending out a virus to our other customers, I will help you detect and get rid of the virus.”

“We have detected that your broadband connection is working very slow, we would like to help you maximize your broadband speed.”

Mostly, because I am English, I politely reply. “Not interested thank you,” and I put the phone down. What I really want to say is, “Why don’t you get a decent job, where you are not ripping someone off, lying through your teeth, and wasting my time?” But for them, it probably is a decent job - they are just reading a script and may be blissfully unaware of what happens once they have ‘helped’ someone and been paid their bonus. Or maybe I’m just being generous. Anyway, politeness costs nothing.

Besides, I have noticed recently that AI is replacing the operators. The AI sounds far more alarming, always reads the script perfectly, doesn’t need a bonus for ‘helping’ someone, and doesn’t have a thick accent. Yes. of course we have tried blocking the phone number, but they just keep phoning from different numbers and routed through different countries. One wonders why they bother – is our lone computer that special?

The caller’s intention is always the same: to gain control of our charity’s only computer. They used to download viruses to send spam. Then they changed tactics to upload ransomware and demand money to unlock the computer again.

Recently, the scammers have changed tactic again. Now they upload software to mine crypto coins.

One day, one of the volunteers who help out in the office will let the scammers in. Given the rate of calls we receive it is almost inevitable, in fact I’m surprised our lone computer isn’t already mining bitcoins.