17 Creative ways to stop 30-50 feral hogs from reaching your children within 3-5 minutes.

in satire •  last month 

Due to a tweet asking how to stop the hogs from committing a war crime in your garden, I decided to compile this list of creative ways to #stopthehog.

  1. Noise.
    You can repel the hogs with noise in following ways.
    • Karbid bombs, Russian style.
    • Airgun, all you need is an airgun and some CO2

  2. Physical means.
    Here are some ways to #stopthehog with physical means
    • Build a moat, labor intensive but quite impenetrable
    • Build a wall, do I need to add anything ?
    • Plant thorns or dense bushes as a hedge, ouch
    • Build spike pits, they gonna turn into delicious shashliks!
    • Place an electric fence. BOOOOOOORINGGGGGGGGG

  3. Ranged offensive means.
    • Build a catapult, Angry birds much ?
    • Buy canons, there's nothing that can't be solved with a canon
    • Turrets, expensive but effective
    • Lasers, pew pew

  4. Arial Means.
    • Radiate silver and then shoot it into the sky to cause radioactive rain, fallout much ?
    • Order a napalm strike, does anyone smell a BBQ ?
    • An Intercontinental Ballistic Missile strike, NK style

  5. Close range offensive means
    • Flamethrowers, Mmm, bacon.
    • Any white weapon ever, old school.
    • Wrestle them all, mud wrestling!

I hope you'll find these 17 Creative ways to stop 30-50 feral hogs useful in the future. #stopthehog !

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