[warm, honey-like voice-over:] In this new and Steemit-original series of 'How to...' by @nobyeni, this first episode will focus on preparing Chicken-Rice. [/weird voice]

All pictures in this post are
made and owned and copyrighted and protected and belonging
to @nobyeni.

As I am not allowed to plagiarize anything, I am unable to provide a complete recipe. Yet this is a Singaporean recipe taught to me by a Singaporean friend, who probably learned it from her Chinese grandmother or something.

Despite the name, the dish 'Chicken-Rice' is very nice because of the sauce, NOT because either the rice or the chicken. Yet eating sauce without chicken and/or rice is not recommended, because the sauce is what is generally known as... VERY HOT. (No, I don't mean that kind of hot, @negativer, please consider yourself nominated for #comedyopenmic because of planting that horrible thought into the brains of the poor readers.)

Ok, I will now show you how to make this dish. It is very simple. But it takes a lot of time to make it. Mostly because it involves a lot of chopping.

First of all, you need ginger and leek. This is what you put in the ass of the chicken, after it is dead and massaged.

Kill the Chicken

If you want to know how to kill a chicken, please click here... actually no, go look it up on Google (have fun!)

When you have the chicken killed and featherless, remove the head and take out the organs.
Then, please wash it properly. With properly, I mean with a lot of love and dedication. You can pretend it is your girlfriend.

Then, while you are getting in the mood, give the chicken a proper massage. Yes. You can use some salt to rub its skin, so it becomes really smooth and tender. Something like this:

Obviously, vegetarians, fruitarians and other arians can skip the killing-the-chicken-step and use a tofu-based chicken (@damianjayclay, consider yourself nominated for this challenge of comedy, I miss your saltiness).

Now, put the stuffing in the chicken. This is not rocket-science. It is okay if you have hard feelings about this. Just shake them off. This is life!

Okay, now is a tricky part. I cannot disclose too much in order not to break any copy-right on the recipe of my friend's grandmother, but basically you boil the chicken for about 50 minutes in salty water. It looks somewhat like this picture on the right.

The tricky part, ow no, I hope you didn't already do this before you read the whole thing is that you need to put it in without burning yourself. So don't just throw the chicken in the pot. But be gentle (thinking about girlfriend is recommended throughout the preparation of this chicken).

Also, taking the chicken out is difficult. But I'll leave it up to you, creative Steemians, to figure out how to go about it.

Actual Chopping

Now, while the chicken is boiling, we can chop chop chop. We need a lot of garlic.

No, actually, I meant... a LOT of garlic.

This amount might be enough for about two average eaters.
Also, add red chili peppers, because that helps people get distracted later during the eating of the sauce. People have this idea that red chili peppers are what make things hot, and they are probably right. But the right amount of raw garlic is actually MUCH hotter, in a very nice and all-enflaming way.

This is to give you an idea of the right balance between garlic and red chili pepper.

_{PRO-tip: make one bowl with less red chili pepper, so it seems less hot, for when you expect whining guests who have delicate taste buds.}

Now, after the chicken is done, you take the chicken out of the pot, and let it rest in another pot that is filled with chopped zucchini. The heat of the chicken will make the zucchini tender. This is to re-use the heat invested in the chicken, it is very environmental friendly.

Also, add some of the chicken broth & sesame oil & soy sauce to the garlic and red pepper bowls. (Of course, don't forget to add a little bit of lemon. But this is so obvious that I didn't really want to mention is here.)

Ok, this seems difficult, perhaps. But that is why it is called COOKING and not 'ordering'.
Also, if you are called @diebitch, just ask your cook to prepare some of this.

But now... the rice.

Actually, you just chop another round of garlic & ginger & carrots & zucchini & onions and fry them and then add washed rice and a lot of the chicken broth and just boil the rice until it's done.

By this time the rest of the food is cold, but that's part of the charm. It makes that you can pretend you have no idea how to cook, and then when your guests try some, they will either want to marry you or their mouths will have burned off.

Serving suggestion:
1/3 part rice
1/3 part chicken/zucchini
1/3 part sauce

_{OKay, of course I should have made this look pretty, but actually making chicken-rice is a lot of work and I was hungry and it smelled so good and so I just put it on my plate and was lucky to even take a picture of it at all.}

Happy Burning!

_{Disclaimer: not advised to eat this before having sex with someone who has not eaten this dish. Generally not advised to leave your house after eating this dish until at least 72 hours have passed.}